Vanity and pride are two brothers. They are interconnected. Vanity is the beginning of pride. Just as we get flour from grain, so from vanity we get pride. These vices are inseparable. If there is Vastcheslavie, there is also pride.

Vanity is the desire for useless, earthly, vain glory. Vanity, or love of fame, is the desire for human glory, honor, respect, and honor.

Vanity itself comes from self-love. The vain person has a desire to please people, not God, in order to have respect, good opinion, praise, honor and glory among them. Food for vanity is praise, honors, flattery, wealth, nobility, a big name, worldly advantages, natural gifts and abilities. You can also note achievements in worldly and spiritual life.

SIGNS OF VANITY

1. Flattery and desire for praise.

2. Love to express yourself - in deeds and words, the desire to be the first in sight everywhere.

3. A strong desire to be paid attention to - to our clothes, to our appearance, to our natural talents, to our spiritual and worldly exploits, to our works.

4. The tendency to teach everyone, even if this person has nothing to do with that profession, the vain person will teach everyone. He gets offended if his opinion is not listened to.

5. The desire for human glory, honor, praise, ranks, awards, undeserved promotions.

6. The desire for all people to consider you decent, kind (God forbid, they hurt your pride - this is where such a stench will pour out).

7. For the sake of glory, ostentatious piety, prayers, submission, humility, ostentatious fasting - in general, everything is done for show. Remember the Pharisee praying in the temple: I’m not like everyone else, I pray, I fast, I pay tithes, and so on.

8. Exaltation of one’s natural gifts: appearance, voice, intelligence, intelligence, figure - everything that can be flaunted.

9. knowledge of sciences, art in crafts, scientific knowledge, titles and other achievements.

10. Responds to insults with insults, is touchy, angry.

11. Fear of falling in front of others, being ridiculed.

What the Holy Fathers say about vanity:

Anthony the Great

It is impossible for one who loves human glory to achieve dispassion: envy and zeal live in him.

Rust eats up iron, and ambition is the heart of the man who indulges this passion.

Far from crying is he who indulges in worldly concerns because of vanity.

Possessed by the passion of vanity, he is alien to the world, hardens his heart against the saints and, to complete his evils, falls into arrogance, pride and the habit of lying.

Avoid vanity - and you will be worthy to be a partaker of the glory of God in the Future Age.

Abba Isaiah.

Don't wear clothes that make you vanity.

Anthony the Great.

Seeking glory from people is proof of unbelief and alienation from God.

Saint Basil the Great.

Do not try to show yourself (before people) to be skillful in any matter, so as not to fall into vanity, which leads to voluptuousness, anger and sadness.

Ephraim Sirin

Be careful that, while seeking human glory, you do not lose the glory of God.

Neil of Sinai.

A vain person is an idolater, although he is called a believer. He thinks that he honors God, but, in fact, he does not please God, but people.

It is a great thing to reject human praise with your soul, but it is even more important to turn away from yourself the demonic praise that comes from your thoughts.

John Climacus.

What gives rise to vanity, what vices?

I would like to dispel a little doubt about the fact that Orthodoxy limits people. When you start talking about sinful passions, it confuses people; few people want to listen to denunciations, especially when it comes to vanity. People are accustomed to praise and exaltation, but then suddenly they say that everything is terrible. You are not white and fluffy, but ordinary sinners, like everyone else. And, probably, this revelation comes as a shock to many - and the reaction varies. Claims begin - you limit people, you want to instill in them inferiority complexes, and so on.

Well, let's limit them. Why not. A mother takes a small child by the hand and limits his range of movement so that he does not get hit by a car when crossing the road. If the mother did not lead the child by the hand, but let her go, then you would probably say that the mother is abnormal, she does not care, does not watch, she does not raise the child well, she does not love him.

Our lives are filled with necessary restrictions, without which many people would die. Take safety precautions - a whole Talmud of restrictions. I remember how every year we retook the safety rules, where there were a lot of restrictions, for the sake of our safety. Take the rules of the road and try to drive in the oncoming lane - and what will happen? Here, I think, there is no need to explain further that restrictions are important in our lives. Athletes will not be able to achieve good results if they do not maintain a special regime. If there is no discipline in the army, then such an army is doomed. Suvorov spoke about this a long time ago.

There are a lot of examples. Likewise, there are limitations in spiritual life. They concern our sins. The more we protect ourselves from them, the happier our own lives and the lives of those around us will be, the less we will suffer from the consequences that sins bring us in life.

As for controlling people. The question asked here was that religion was created to control the masses. I can say the opposite. It is easy, very easy to manipulate the consciousness of a person living in sinful passions. And the Church, on the contrary, helps to overcome passions, get rid of them and make you free. I have seen more than once in my life how people are manipulated, knowing their vices. Here's an example. Vanity makes people jealous and competitive. Look around, what is the business built on? On the vanity of people, on their envy and rivalry. Mikhail Zadornov recently said: “a new Russian is sitting in the middle of the hotel. There is an aquarium with a hippopotamus, and the new Russian thinks: What else can he buy to make his friends envy him, a hippopotamus in an aquarium no longer surprises them.” Because of such vices as rivalry and envy generated by vanity, there is a good trade. People are ready to pay a lot of money just for one “name”, although there is almost the same product next to it, but the company is different. Isn't this vanity?

About diverse vanity

Some are in the habit of writing about vanity in a special chapter and separating it from pride; That’s why they say that there are eight initial and main sins. But Gregory the Theologian and others count them seven. I agree with them more; for who, having conquered vanity, can have pride? Between these passions there is the same difference as between a youth and a man, between wheat and bread; for vanity is the beginning, and pride is the end.

Vanity is a waste of labor, a loss of sweat, a thief of spiritual treasure, the offspring of unbelief, the forerunner of pride, drowning in a pier, an ant on the threshing floor, which, although small, nevertheless plunders all labor and fruit. The ant waits for the harvest of wheat, and vanity for the harvest of wealth: for he rejoices that he will steal; and this is what will be wasted.

The spirit of despair rejoices, seeing the increase of sins; and the spirit of vanity, when it sees an increase in virtues; For the door of the first is a multitude of plagues, and the door of the second is an abundance of labor.

Vanity rejoices in all virtues. For example: I become vain when I fast; but when I allow fasting in order to hide my abstinence from people, I again become vain, considering myself wise. I am overcome by vanity by dressing in good clothes; but when I dress thin, I also become vain. If I begin to speak, I am overcome by vanity; I’ll shut up, and again they won.

A vain person is an idolater, although he is called a believer. He thinks he worships God; but in fact, he pleases not God, but people.

Every person who loves to show off is vain. The fast of a vain person remains without reward, and his prayer is fruitless, for he does both for human praise.

The Lord often hides from our eyes those virtues that we have acquired; the person who praises us, or, better to say, misleads us with his praise, opens our eyes; and as soon as they are revealed, the wealth of virtue disappears.

It is common for great people to endure insults courageously and even with joy, while saints and saints tend to listen to praise without harm.

When you hear that your neighbor or friend has reproached you for your absence or presence: then show love and praise him. It is not he who shows humility who condemns himself (for who will not endure reproach from himself?); but he who, being reproached by another, does not diminish his love for him.

There is a different kind of Ethiopian, and a different image: so the image of vanity is different for those who live in the community, and another for those who live in the deserts.

Vanity makes the preferred people proud, and the despised people - spiteful. Vanity makes the wrathful appear meek before men.

It often happens that we, having been robbed by vanity, and then, having turned around and understood it ourselves, overcome it. I have seen some who, out of vanity, began spiritual work, but although the beginning was vicious, however, the end came out commendable, because their thoughts changed.

Who is exalted by natural gifts, i.e. with wit, understanding, skill in reading and pronunciation, quickness of mind, and other abilities that we acquired without difficulty, he will never receive supernatural benefits; for he who is unfaithful in little things is also unfaithful and vain in many things.

Some, in order to obtain extreme dispassion and wealth of talents, the power of miracles and the gift of clairvoyance, exhaust their body in vain; but these poor people do not know that it is not labor itself, but humility that is the mother of these blessings.

Whoever asks God for gifts for his labors has laid a dangerous foundation; and whoever considers himself a debtor will suddenly and unexpectedly become rich.

Do not obey this suggestion when it teaches you to declare your virtues; “What will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses his own soul?” (Matt. 16:26). Nothing brings so much benefit to others as a humble and unfeigned disposition and word. Thus, we will also encourage others so that they do not ascend; and what could be more useful than this?

There is glory from the Lord, for the Scripture says: I will glorify those who glorify Me (1 Sam. 2:30); and there is glory that comes from the devil’s deceit, for it is said: “Woe to you when all men speak well of you” (Luke 6:26). You will clearly recognize the first when you look at fame as harmful to you, when you turn away from it in every possible way, and wherever you go, you will hide your residence. You can recognize the second one when you do even the smallest thing just so that people can see you.

Bad vanity teaches us to accept the image of virtue, which is not in us, convincing us of this with the words of the Gospel: “Let your light so shine before men, so that they may see your good deeds” (Matthew 5:16).

Often the Lord heals the vain of vanity through dishonor.

When our praisers, or better yet, our seducers, begin to praise us, then let us hasten to remember the multitude of our iniquities; and we will see that we are truly unworthy of what they say or do in our honor. It often happens that a worm, having reached full age, receives wings and flies to a height: so vanity, having intensified, gives birth to pride, the master and finisher of all evil.

ABOUT CRAZY PRIDE

Pride is the rejection of God, a demonic invention, contempt of people, the fiend of praise, the mother of condemnation, a sign of the barrenness of the soul, driving away God's help, the forerunner of insanity, the culprit of falls, the cause of demons, the source of anger, the door of hypocrisy, the stronghold of demons, the repository of sins, the cause of unmercifulness, ignorance compassion, cruel torturer, inhuman judge, opponent of God, root of blasphemy.

The beginning of pride is vanity; the middle is humiliation of one's neighbor, shameless praise of one's works, self-praise in the heart, hatred of reproof; and the end is rejection of God’s help, reliance on oneself, demonic disposition.

Often this passion is nourished by thanksgiving. It does not immediately incline us to reject God. I saw people thanking God with their lips and exalting themselves in their thoughts. This is clearly evidenced by the Pharisee, who said: “God, I thank You...” (Luke 18:11).

Where the Fall took place, pride first settled there; for the herald of the future fall is pride.

One respectable man said to me: let’s assume that there are twelve dishonorable passions; if you love one of them, that is, pride, then this one will fill the place of the other eleven.

“God opposes the proud” (James 4:6): who can have mercy on them?

“Everyone with a high heart is not pure before the Lord” (Prov. 16:5). Who can cleanse it?

He who rejects reproof reveals passion, but he who accepts reproof has been released from its bonds.

If from this passion alone, without any other, someone fell from heaven, then one must investigate whether it is not possible through humility, and without other virtues, to ascend to heaven?

Pride is the loss of wealth and labor. They cry out, but there is no one to save, because they cried out with pride; “They cry out to the Lord, but He does not listen to them” (Ps. 17:42), because they did not cut off the cause of their misfortune - pride.

One wise old man spiritually admonished his proud brother, but this one, blinded, said to him: “Forgive me, father, I am not proud.” The wise old man objected: “How can you, my son, more clearly prove that you are proud, if not by what you say, I am not proud.”

For such, obedience, cruel and despicable living, and reading about the great exploits of St. fathers. Perhaps, at least through this, such ill people will receive little hope of salvation.

MORE ABOUT VANITY

An experienced leader, seeing your vices, will completely calmly manipulate you. A vain person will work hard for praise alone. As I remember, they called me and said that they needed to carry out work in the “Konstantinovsky Palace” and for such a pittance! Using, again, the “name” and your vanity, you will simply be taken advantage of. Or, on the contrary, knowing your penchant for love of money, they will also find your weak points and will control you, manipulate you inside and out until you give it your all.

So vanity gives birth

· envy and rivalry,

· ambition,

· ungodly philanthropy,

· lies and hypocrisy,

verbosity and idle talk, idle talk,

· slander and condemnation,

· anger and irritability,

· servility to the world for the sake of honors,

· self-delusion,

· falling into spiritual delusion.

All this leads a person to devastation, to despondency and sadness, and even to a complete loss of faith in Christ. The sin of pride gives rise to similar sins. We could talk about envy - it is a terrible sin. Envy comes from the love of money, and envy from pride, and envy from vanity - this vice is very widespread.

Vanity is like a cactus. No matter which side you touch, it will sting. For example, your voice is beautiful and you may already think in your mind that you are unique, not like everyone else. And now, pride is already emerging. Praise you at work - and now, your head is already in the air and it’s not time to ask for a salary increase. And here conflicts and dismissals begin. Or you play and sing well - and now you already think that you are a star and are thinking about whose place you should take, who you could replace. We went to the Temple once - and now there is exaltation in front of those who do not go. Fast - and here again there is mental exaltation and so on. In general, vanity concerns absolutely every area of ​​life.

Whoever builds his life on vanity is doomed. It's like winter, remember? They build these ice houses, when it rains or the sun shines, it gets a little warmer and that’s it, the house starts crying and melts. So is a vain person - he cannot withstand the tests of life, falls into despondency, depression and other illnesses. Well, or how sand houses are built, the same thing happens - it started to rain and this house is no longer there. Everything was washed away. So it is with the vain - all this show will be washed away, all the hypocrisy will be revealed. If he wants to please one and the other - and you can’t please everyone - there will be those who will not feed his vanity with praise. And then the war will begin.

How to deal with vanity? I'll say it very briefly. You are beautiful - say in your heart - thank God for this beauty. For humility to arise in your heart, remember that there are people no less beautiful.

If you manage a company, thank God for what wisdom gives you. Joseph was also a steward, the right hand of Pharaoh, however, he did not become proud of this, but lived his life in the fear of God and in humility. He did not forget to thank God for all his blessings and for all his successes. Also, Moses was a leader, but did not lose humility.

You are strong - and then thank God. Not everyone is given strength, and remember David, who was strong, tore open the mouths of lions and defeated Goliath - but was not proud. All his life he trusted in God and always thanked Him for everything. You can find examples everywhere, no matter what you boast about.

There are people who have more - and remain in humility. There is also spiritual vanity. Preachers, especially new ones, can easily fall into vanity, but even here it is easy to humble yourself. Remember John Chrysostom. He humbled himself with fasts and prayers, and did not boast, although he preached to many, preached by the Power of God. And the Apostles said about themselves: We do not create miracles with our own strength and the Lord sends us the word, there is nothing to boast about. What do we have that God would not give us? And what do you boast about that you did not receive from God? Strength and wisdom, beauty and oratory, the gift of prayer and the gift of fasting. This list could go on for a long time. For whatever praise comes, give glory to God for everything, give thanks for everything, that we who are unworthy are worthy of His mercy.

When praising, it is better to look closely and see your shortcomings rather than feed your vanity. It's bad if all people talk good about you. It is much better if they criticize often! Give thanks to the Lord for His care. He allows you to be denigrated, protecting you from vanity.

If they praise you, thank God. If they scold you, thank God even more. By doing this, save yourself from vanity, pride and the consequences of these sins. Do not seek human glory, it is vain and fleeting. She ruins your life.

What is pride in Orthodoxy? Pride is the rejection of God

Woe to the proud, for their fate is with the apostate devil. Venerable Abba Isaiah (34, 195).

Pride and arrogance cast the devil from Heaven to hell. Humility and meekness lift a person from earth to Heaven (82, 14).

Pride of the heart is hateful to God, His Angels and His Saints. He who has pride in himself is a partaker of the devil. Because of pride, the heavens bowed down and the foundations of the earth shook, the abysses were troubled, the angels became confused and turned into demons. The Almighty is angry with pride: He commanded the abyss to cast fire from itself, and the fiery sea to boil with fiery excitement. Because of pride, He instituted hell and torment. Because of pride, prisons and beatings were instituted, with which the devil is tormented for the pride of his heart. Because of pride, the underworld was created, the undying and never-sleeping worm was created. (82, 6).

All sins are abominable before God, but the most abominable of all is the pride of the heart. (82, 19).

Do not consider yourself wise: otherwise your soul will be exalted with pride, and you will fall into the hands of your enemies. (82, 23).

Do not be proud, do not proclaim and shout, do not speak loudly and hastily. He who multiplies words cannot remain pure from sin (82, 25-26).

My children, there is no wickedness that would be higher than when a person inflicts grief on his neighbor and rises above his neighbor. Venerable Anthony the Great (82, 26).

It is natural for our spirit to have a sublime feeling of contempt for our demonic enemies, but this feeling has been perverted: we have bowed our heads before the demons, and we exalt ourselves one above the other, we hurt each other, each recognizing ourselves as more righteous than our neighbor. With our pride we make God our enemy. Abba Isaiah (82, 173-174).

What can sin do where there is repentance? How can you succeed in love where there is pride? John, abbot in Raifa (82, 297).

When a thought of pride or exaltation comes to you, examine your conscience to see if you are keeping all the Divine commandments? Do you love your enemies? Do you rejoice when a person who acts against you is exalted and glorified? Does humiliation upset you? Do you recognize yourself as an unbreakable slave? Do you recognize yourself as the greatest sinner of all sinners? If, on the contrary, you are in such a mood that you are ready to teach and correct everyone, then know that this mood of spirit destroys all your virtues (82, 396).

It is better to be defeated in humility than to be defeated with pride (82, 397).

Pride, even if it approaches heaven, falls even to hell. So, on the contrary, humility, even if it descended to hell, from there it rises even to heaven. Sayings of nameless elders (82, 401).

Pride is the beginning of sin. Every sin begins with it and finds its support in it. Saint John Chrysostom (45, 575).

The beginning of pride is usually contempt. He who despises and considers others to be nothing - some are poor, others are of low birth, others are ignorant, as a result of such contempt he comes to the point that he considers himself the only wise, prudent, rich, noble and strong (5, 94).

How is a proud person recognized and how is he healed? Recognized because it seeks preference. And he will be healed if he believes the judgment of Him who said: “God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble” (James 4:6). However, you need to know that although he will be afraid of the judgment pronounced for pride, he cannot be healed of this passion if he does not abandon all thoughts of his own preference. Saint Basil the Great (8, 195).

Pride is the cause of the initial fall and the main beginning of the disease. Pride, through Lucifer (Dennitsa), who was overthrown for her, then crept into the primordial Adam, producing weaknesses and reasons for all vices. For when he thought that he could acquire the glory of the Divine through free will and his own diligence, he lost that which he had received by the grace of the Creator. (53, 145).

He who has the passion of pride not only does not consider it worthy to observe any rule of submission or obedience, but he does not even allow the very doctrine of perfection to reach his ears. Such aversion to the spiritual word grows in his heart that even if such a conversation were to happen, his gaze cannot stand in one place, but his frowning gaze turns this way and that, his eyes usually look in the other direction...so that while the spiritual conversation continues, he thinks ... that everything is said as a reproach to him (53, 159).

By what signs can one guess and distinguish carnal pride, so that the naked and exposed roots of this passion, clearly understood and examined, can be more easily pulled out? For then a deadly disease can be completely avoided when advance precautions are taken against fatal inflammation and harmful manifestations; when, knowing the preliminary signs, we prevent the disease with prudent and perspicacious prudence... So, carnal pride is distinguished by the following signs: first there is loudness in conversation, in silence there is annoyance, in joy there is loud spilling laughter, in a sad case there is unreasonable grief, in response - obstinacy, in speech - frivolity, words are expressed without any participation of the heart, recklessly. She has no patience, is a stranger to love, boldly inflicts insults, but cannot tolerate them. She is not inclined to obey if something does not coincide with her desire and will. She is adamant about accepting the admonition; to renounce her will she is weak, to submit to others she is very stubborn, she always tries to insist on her opinion, but does not want to give in to another; and thus, having become unable to accept saving advice, in everything she trusts more to her own opinion than to the judgment of the elders or spiritual fathers (53, 161).

The feat is presented to us against the spirit of pride. This passion, although in terms of the time of struggle against vices and in the order of calculation, is placed last, but in importance and time of origin it is the first: this beast is the most fierce, fiercer than all the previous ones, tempts those who are especially perfect and almost already placed at the top of virtue, and destroys with cruel remorse their (53, 143).

The ascetic of Christ, who strives spiritually and desires to receive a crown from the Lord, must hasten by all means to suppress this fierce beast that destroys all virtues, being confident that while pride remains in his soul, he not only cannot free himself from various vices, but if would have anything virtuous, and it would perish from the poison of pride (53, 163).

If we reflect on the sufferings of our Lord and all the saints, thinking that the grievances that tempt us are so much easier, how much further we stand from their merits and behavior, if we remember that in a short time we will move out of this age and at the speedy end of life immediately let us be partners with the saints, then such reflection will destroy in us not only pride, but also all vices (53, 164).

Every soul, possessed by pride (forsaken by grace), indulges in spiritual lewdness, is entangled in carnal passions, so that, at least, humiliated by carnal vices, it recognizes itself as unclean and defiled through the flesh, whereas during the coldness of the spirit it could not previously realize that through exaltation her heart became unclean in the sight of God; so that a humiliated person in this way takes care to get out of a state of coldness and, ashamed of the dishonor of carnal passions, tries to arouse in himself an ardent jealousy for spiritual achievements (53, 156).

Pride is such a great evil that it deserves to have as an enemy neither an Angel nor other forces opposing it, but God Himself... (53, 146).

How to overcome pride?... We can... avoid the snares of this evil spirit if, with all the virtues in which we excel, we say with the apostle: “By the grace of God I am what I am; and His grace in me was not in vain.” (1 Cor. 15:10);

“God works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure” (Phil. 2:13). And the Author of our salvation Himself says:

“Whoever abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing” (John 15:5). And Saint David reminds: “Unless the Lord builds a house, those who build it labor in vain: unless the Lord guards the city, the watchman watches in vain” (Ps. 126:1). “And mercy does not depend on the one who wills, nor on the one who runs, but on God who has mercy” (Rom. 9:16), Venerable John Cassian the Roman (53, 148).

From pride are born: contempt, envy, disobedience, blasphemy, murmuring, reproach. Venerable John Cassian the Roman (Abba Serapion 53, 254).

Pride is the rejection of God, a demonic invention, the contempt of people, the mother of condemnation, the fiend of praise, a sign of the sterility of the soul, the driving away of God's help... Pride is the forerunner of insanity, the culprit of falls, the cause of demons, the source of anger, the support of hypocrisy, the stronghold of demons, the repository of sins. Pride is the cause of unmercifulness, ignorance of compassion, a cruel torturer, an inhuman judge, an opponent of God, the root of blasphemy. The beginning of pride is the root of vanity; the middle is humiliation of one's neighbor, shameless preaching of one's works, self-righteousness in the heart, hatred of reproof. The end of pride is rejection of God's help, reliance on one's own efforts, demonic disposition. …Very often this passion receives nourishment from the (self-righteous) thanksgiving of God, for it does not at first incline us shamelessly to reject God. I saw people thanking God with their lips and exalting themselves in their thoughts. ...Where the Fall took place, pride was first established there (57, 150).

Do not exalt yourself, earthly one, for many, being holy and immaterial, have been cast out of heaven (57, 152).

From pride comes the forgetting of sins, and the memory of them is the intercessor of humility... (57, 153).

A proud monk has no need for a demon, he himself has become a demon and adversary for himself... Darkness is alien to light, and the proud is alien to all virtue... He who is captivated by pride needs the help of God Himself (57, 153).

Death is pride cast down from heaven, which lifts us to the heavens and brings us down to the abyss. (57, 178).

Visible pride is healed by sorrowful circumstances, but invisible pride is healed by the Eternal and the Invisible. (57, 211).

The proud benefit greatly from obedience, a cruel and humiliating life, and reading about the supernatural exploits of the Holy Fathers. Perhaps through this the proud will receive little hope of salvation... Exalt yourself only in those virtues that you performed before your birth, and those that you performed after your birth were given to you by God, like birth itself. Venerable John Climacus (57, 151).

Do not allow yourself to suffer from the disease of pride, so that the enemy does not steal your reason. (25, 50).

A proud and rebellious man will see bitter days. He who is humble, wise and patient will rejoice in the Lord (25, 177).

He who exalts himself over his brother is mocked by demons (25,177).

No matter how much a person exalts himself in the pride of his heart, he still tramples the land from which he was taken and to which he will go. The Lord exalts the humble (25, 188).

Both God and people hate pride, but the Lord loves those who love humility (25, 210).

Pride is like a tall rotten tree, all its branches are broken. And if anyone climbs on it, he will immediately fall from a height. Venerable Ephraim the Syrian (26, 100).

The one who has become an apostate from God and attributes good deeds to his own strength is sick with pride. (47, 219).

Pride inflates thoughts to the point of pompousness and teaches one to despise every person. Venerable Neil of Sinai (48, 184).

There is no evil equal to pride. It turns a person into a demon - an insolent, blasphemous oathbreaker (45, 576).

A proud person is disposed to take revenge for insults. A proud person cannot indifferently endure insults from either superiors or inferiors; and whoever does not calmly bear insults is not able to bear misfortune (45, 576).

An arrogant person is constantly overwhelmed by sorrow, constantly annoyed, constantly complaining. Nothing can quench his passion (45,576).

From pride comes contempt for the poor, passion for money, lust for power and voluptuousness. (45, 576).

God does not turn away from anything more than from pride. That’s why He arranged everything from the very beginning in such a way as to destroy this passion in us. For this we became mortal, we live in sorrow and lamentation; for this purpose our life is spent in labor and exhaustion, burdened with continuous work (41, 671).

If we constantly remembered our sins, then nothing from external objects could arouse pride in us: neither wealth, nor power, nor power, nor glory (46, 93).

How to extinguish pride? We need to know God... When we know God, all pride will be removed from us. He who knows to what extent the Son of God humbled Himself does not become exalted (45, 576).

Think about Gehenna, think about those who are much better than you, think about how guilty you are before God... and you will soon tame your mind, humble it. Saint John Chrysostom (45, 577).

He who believes is not proud, but, imitating the Lord, tries to acquire humility. Venerable Simeon the New Theologian (60, 436).

The righteous are tempted by pride

The righteous should fear pride more than the sinner, because the sinner necessarily has a humble conscience, but the righteous can be proud of his good deeds. Saint John Chrysostom (40, 411).

He who trusts in his own righteousness and adheres to his own will cannot escape the wiles of the devil, nor find peace, nor see his shortcomings. Venerable Abba Isaiah (34, 326).

Regarding spiritual pride, by which all perfect people are tempted, let us say that this type of pride is not known and experienced by many, because not many try to acquire perfect purity of heart in order to achieve these degrees of warfare, and do not care about the purification of passions. ... This pride usually tempts only those who, having conquered previous vices, are already almost at the top of virtue. Since the cunning enemy cannot subject them to a carnal fall, he tries to overthrow them by a spiritual fall in order to deprive them of all the merits of their former virtues, acquired with great difficulty. Venerable John Cassian the Roman (53.157).

There is no other passion that would so destroy all virtues, deprive a person of all righteousness and holiness and expose him like pride. Pride is like a major and destructive disease, which weakens more than one member of a person, but damages the whole body with deadly disorder and can subject those already at the top of virtue to a cruel fall and destruction. For every passion is limited by its limits and purpose, although it damages other virtues, but attacks mainly one and especially suppresses and defeats it. And to. this could be understood more clearly, say, that gluttony, for example, that is, the lust of the belly, or the passion for gluttony, destroys the severity of abstinence; lust defiles chastity; anger destroys patience, so that sometimes one devoted to one vice is not deprived of completely different virtues... And when pride takes possession of an unfortunate soul, then, like a cruel tyrant, having taken the high strength of virtues, the entire city is destroyed and ruined to the ground. He compares the high walls of holiness to the land of vices and leaves no freedom to the conquered soul. And the richer he captures, the more severe the yoke of slavery he exposes and, having cruelly robbed all the property of the virtues, completely exposes her. Venerable John Cassian the Roman (53, 144).

Don’t become proud because things are going well for you, as if you can’t tolerate anything bad. On the contrary, remember that circumstances often change, maintain a modest way of thinking and do not go beyond human limits. Justice watches our deeds; Those who dream of themselves that they are no longer subject to punishment, it brings to punishment in the way in which they think to avoid it. Venerable Isidore Pelusiot (51, 114).

Do you love righteousness? Hate pride and abhor it: it makes even deeds of righteousness displeasing to God. Venerable Ephraim the Syrian (28, 117).

The soul of the proud ascends to great heights and from there casts him into the abyss. Venerable Neil of Sinai (47, 219).

If pride arises in you, remember that it destroys all the fruits of virtue, and you will calm down.

If anyone says that it is better to be proud when doing good than to be humble when sinning, he does not understand at all either the harm of pride or the benefit of humility. (35,190).

Man was a man by nature and God's dispensation, but became an animal through initiation into pride. Was a man as bearing the image of God and became a beast full of vanity (45, 917).

A person who does good with arrogance... falls into extreme destruction (35, 42).

Pride is extremely harmful and destructive not only for the one who internalizes it, but also for the one who shares it for a short time (37, 724).

The proud man does not know himself and after many labors loses all the treasure of virtue (40, 397).

Pride... can damage any virtue of the soul: prayer, alms, fasting, or anything else. It is said: “whatever is high among men is unclean before God.” (42, 108).

Imagine, if you want, that someone raises the dead, heals the lame, cleanses lepers, but with pride - no one can be worse, more wicked and more guilty than him (43, 277).

Pride is a sign of a low mind and an ignoble soul (44,11).

No matter how many good deeds we do, (pride) does not allow them to strengthen in us and remain inseparably with us... but prevents them from remaining steadfast in us (45, 576).

Know clearly that a person who proudly lives virtuously - if that is what it means to live virtuously - can unexpectedly fall into final destruction. Anyone who has allowed himself to fall, having learned humility from this fall, can rise up and quickly restore his former position, if only he wants. The one who apparently does good with pride, but does not tolerate any evil, will never even notice his lawlessness, but, on the contrary, will only increase evil and suddenly leave here, deprived of everything. (46, 531).

Truly, nothing turns away God’s mercy and consigns it to the fire of Gehenna more than the passion of pride. If it is inherent in us, then no matter what deeds we perform—whether abstinence, virginity, prayer, alms—our whole life becomes unclean. Saint John Chrysostom (46, 602).

Avoid pride, man...so that you do not have God as your enemy. Venerable Neil of Sinai (48, 243).

The hills and mountains of our proud thoughts, words and deeds hinder the coming of Christ to us, for the humble Christ does not come there, where there is exalted pride, according to the words of Scripture: “Everyone who is proud in heart is an abomination to the Lord” (Proverbs 16:5). For, according to the apostle: “What does light have in common with darkness? What agreement is there between Christ and Belial? (2 Cor. 6, 14-15). Pride is darkness and Belial. The word “Beliar” means “blind luminary,” and this seems to say that he looks, but does not see. A proud person does not know himself: he considers himself bright, but in reality he is gloomy. He considers himself better than many, but in reality he is worse than everyone. He imagines himself going to heaven, while he is going to the abyss. How can Christ, our Light, live with such blind darkness that considers itself light? Christ could not live with Belial even in heaven:

He has overthrown the proud man, how will He come to earth to him, that is, to the proud man? What agreement can there be between the humble Christ and the proud Belial?

Belial, that is, the demonic pride that exists in man, is like that mountain remembered in the Divine Scripture, called Gilboa, on which neither dew nor rain descends from heaven and which was cursed by Saint David, because on it Saul was killed by foreigners with three by their sons (2 Kings 1:21; 1 Kings 31:2). Likewise, neither the dew nor the rain of God’s grace falls on the proud, for Christ is crucified and killed by pride. Who hated Christ who walked in the flesh on earth? Proud princes and teachers of Jerusalem: “Did any of the rulers or of the Pharisees believe in Him?” (John 7:48). It was they who began to be angry against Him. Who betrayed Christ to death? A proud Jewish synagogue, considering itself holy, but considering Christ a sinner: “We know that this man is a sinner” (John 9:24). Who crucified Christ? Proud Pilate. So, pride is cursed by God, like Mount Gilboa was by David, so that the dew of God’s grace and the rain of God’s mercy would not fall on it. Christ will not come there where he will see the mountain of Belial pride (103, 593- 594).

The proud does not follow the right and simple path, but the uneven and thorny one. “The proud mocked me greatly, but I did not deviate from Your law,” says the prophet (Ps. 119:51). This most important crime and silent evasion from the law is ignorance of the weakness of one’s own pride. Through nothing else is crime and fall so easily accomplished as through pride; and through nothing else does correction occur so easily as through humility and simplicity. Where the fall took place, everything was foreshadowed. Because of pride, Satan was cast out of heaven; the Pharisee lost all his virtues, Nebuchadnezzar lost his kingdom and, like cattle, ate grass for seven years; and a thousand thousand falls are caused by pride. Therefore, be humble and, covered and preserved by the grace of God, you will always be preserved without blemish and without stumbling. Saint Demetrius of Rostov (103, 1037).

You see, as the sun approaches, the shadow becomes smaller. So it is with a pious heart: the closer God comes to it with His light and gifts, the more it recognizes its insignificance and humbles itself before God and people, considering itself unworthy. On the contrary, the further the sun goes, the larger the shadow, and when the sun sets, the shadow lengthens. When the sun goes down, the shadow disappears. So it is with man: insofar as God moves away from him, to that extent he is exalted and magnified in his heart; insofar as man ascends, insofar God moves away from him. And just as a shadow disappears when the sun is hidden, so those who think themselves great disappear when God hides. (104, 440-441).

Let's look at the fruits of the bitter seed of pride. A proud person seeks honor, glory and praise in every way; he always wants to appear significant, to indicate, command and boss. And whoever interferes with his desire becomes very angry and embittered. Having lost his honor and authority, he grumbles, is indignant and blasphemes. “What have I sinned? What is my fault? Are my works and merits worthy of this?” And it often happens that a person kills himself. The proud begins things beyond his strength, which he cannot accomplish. O man, why are you touching a burden that you cannot bear? He interferes arbitrarily in other people's affairs, wants to give instructions to everyone everywhere, although he himself does not know what he is doing - so pride blinds him. Without shame, he praises himself and exalts himself: “I, they say, did this and that, I have such and such merits before society.” Oh, man, you count your merits, but why don’t you talk about your sins? If you are ashamed to announce them, then be ashamed to praise yourself. A proud person despises and humiliates other people: he, they say, is a vile person, he is worthless. And he is the same person as you, we are all people. He is a sinner, but I think that you will not renounce this name either; he has sinned in one thing or is sinning, but you have sinned in something else, and perhaps in the same thing. “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Rom. 3:23). He does not submit to the authorities and his parents; he does not obey the proud; his neck is stiff and unyielding. They always want to insist on their will and approve it. The good that he has in himself is attributed to himself, to his own efforts and labors and to his own mind, and not to God. O man, what can you have of yourself, you who came naked from your mother’s womb? What can you have that God, the source of all good, does not give you? What can our efforts and labors do without the help of Him Who alone can do everything, and without Whom everyone is nothing, like a shadow without a body? The proud person does not like reproofs and admonitions at all; he considers himself to be in good order, although he is completely spoiled. He does not tolerate humiliation, contempt, troubles and misfortunes, he is indignant, grumbles, and often blasphemes. In words and actions he shows arrogance and pompousness... All these are the fruits of pride that is hated by God and man (104, 442-443).

The end of our life brings down our pride, “for you are dust and to dust you will return” (Gen. 3:19). Come to the tombs, there you can distinguish the king from the warrior, the glorious from the dishonest, the rich from the poor, the strong from the weak, the noble from the ignoble, the wise from the foolish. And, looking into the coffin, boast of your nobility, exalt yourself in reason, magnify yourself in wealth, be proud of your honor, count ranks, count titles. O poor creature, poor in the beginning, poor in the middle, poor in the end. You are like a fragile and thin vessel, like dust and you will return to dust (104, 446).

The more we know and remember Christ, the better we will recognize our unworthiness and damnation, and the more we will humble ourselves. Christ, the Son of God, your Lord, humbled himself for your sake—should you, a servant, be proud? For your sake, your Lord took on the form of a slave—should you, a slave, seek dominance? Your Lord accepted dishonor for your sake; did you, a servant, exalt yourself with honor? Your Lord had no place to lay His head - should you, a servant, expand the magnificent buildings?... Your Lord prayed for His crucifiers: Father, forgive them (Luke 23:34) - should you, a servant, be angry with those who have offended, become embittered, seek revenge ? But who are you that your ears cannot bear insults? A wretched creature, weak, naked, passionate, lost, subject to all sorts of misfortunes, surrounded by all sorts of troubles, grass, hay, steam, appearing briefly and disappearing. But take heed and beware, lest Christ your Lord be ashamed of you, when you are ashamed of His humility and meekness. (104,447).

People are most proud of either honor and glory, or wealth, or intelligence, or strength, or nobility. But all this is subject to change, and as it comes to us, so it departs from us, for it is not ours: and to be exalted by what is not ours is very pointless. Everything we have is not ours, but God’s; we are only vessels and repositories of God's gifts. God who gives is due all praise, honor, and thanksgiving, but man must humble himself so that what he has is not taken away because of pride. Saint Tikhon of Zadonsk (104, 449).

“God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” It seems impossible to believe that a person, being earth and ashes, would decide to be proud; so that a weak person, subject to all sorts of shortcomings, and, moreover, if you think about it, guilty of the judgment of God, begins to exalt himself, and even before God himself, before whom the whole world is a drop that fell from the ocean. However, this poor animal is arrogant, rises higher than the cedars of Lebanon, this speck of dust dreams highly of itself, despises others, and even its brethren.

Truly God adorned man at creation with the most excellent gifts and made him less than the angels. But the man for the most part lost these talents: his pride exposed him. “But man will not remain in honor; he will become like animals” (Ps. 48:13). And even though, indeed, these perfections given by God have all been preserved in man to this day, they should not puff us up, but encourage us to thank God more and humble ourselves more, for we, having deserved nothing, have everything, and as a sign of gratitude these gifts use for the benefit of others. But just as pride destroys this beauty created by God, so, on the contrary, humility raises the fallen again. What is the difference between them?

The father of pride is the devil, the parent of humility is God. Pride does not humiliate itself by seeing its shortcomings, or even does not see its shortcomings and boasts of what it does not have; but humility is not exalted by what it has. It is like a fruitful tree, which the more it is burdened with fruits, the more it bends towards the ground. Pride attributes everything to herself and her merits: she does not think that there is anything that would exceed her strength. But humility gives everything to God, it knows that just as all good flows from this Source, so it must also return to it through our recognition. Pride thinks to comprehend everything, including the mysteries of God, and rises above the mind of Christ; but humility captivates one’s mind into obedience to faith, establishing itself on a sacred foundation (Eph. 2:20), which makes it impossible to lie to God. Pride does not patiently endure the chastening hand of God, but with murmuring; and humility joyfully accepts God’s punishment. Pride despises others and in his mind and in his deeds does not find anyone like himself;

but humility with all one’s talents places oneself lower than others. Pride is not lenient towards human weaknesses; she judges the actions of others offensively; but humility is condescending, and sympathizes with the weaknesses of others as if it were one’s own. Pride can be suspicious: all the deeds of others, words and intentions seem significant to her, she notices everything, draws conclusions from everything. But humility is simple and ingenuous: it looks at everything with an infant’s eye and accepts everything with a dove’s heart. Pride can be picky: this is not so, something else is inappropriate, honor is not honor, position is not position, reward is not reward; but humility accepts everything for good, humility is obedient to everything. God's grace is inaccessible to pride, but it is inaccessible to humility. Pride is always unhappy, but humility is always safe and secure. Pride is unpleasant and disgusting for everyone, but there is nothing more pleasant and joyful than humility.

True humility is when we are not arrogant about ourselves or about our affairs. We must always remember that we are people. If we accurately understand that there is a person, we will not humiliate our dignity, but we will not appropriate too much to ourselves. We are created in the image of God, this will force us to preserve the nobility of our nature and not humiliate ourselves to the state of dumb animals. But we are made from clay, from dust, and this should calm our arrogance. More than all creatures, we are able to understand and become enlightened; this should excite us to great undertakings. But even the most enlightened fall into various errors and sometimes sin more than the ignorant - and this should set limits to our high soarings. We have been awarded the special protection of the Most High, this should make us strive for heaven and freely approach the throne of Grace. But, remembering the multitude of our sins and vices, we must work for the Lord with fear and trembling to accomplish the feat of salvation.

If we transgress these righteous boundaries, there is a danger - lest we, having dreamed about ourselves too much, might lose what naturally belongs to us. Metropolitan of Moscow Platon (Levshin) (105,139,143).

“God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble”

(James 4:6). Remember especially these words when you go to confession. It is pride that prevents the tongue from saying: “I am a sinner.” Humble yourself before the Lord, do not spare yourself, do not be afraid of man. Reveal your shame, so that you may be washed; show your wounds so that you may be healed; tell all your lies, so that you may be justified. The more merciless you are towards yourself, the more pity the Lord will show you, and you will leave with a sweet feeling of mercy. This is the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, given from Him to those who humble themselves by sincere confession of their sins. Bishop Theophan the Recluse (107, 56-57).

A proud righteous person, that is, a sinner who does not see his sinfulness, does not need a Savior, he is useless (108, 109).

Pride sets the nerves in motion, warms the blood, excites daydreaming, revives the life of fall... (108, 129).

Every person is more or less prone to prelest, because the purest human nature has something proud in itself. (108, 224).

Just as pride is generally the cause of delusion, so humility, a virtue directly opposite to pride, serves as a sure warning and protection from delusion. (108, 228).

…The absence of crying, satiation with oneself and enjoyment of one’s pseudo-spiritual state expose the pride of the heart (108,537).

Conceit and pride essentially consist of rejecting God and worshiping oneself. They are subtle, difficult to understand and difficult to reject idolatry (111, 25).

Pride is the death of the soul in a spiritual sense: a soul overwhelmed by pride is incapable of humility, repentance, mercy, or any spiritual thoughts and feelings that bring living knowledge of the Redeemer and assimilation to Him. (111, 27).

Just as pride is primarily an ailment of our spirit, a sin of the mind, so humility is a good and blissful state of spirit, is primarily a virtue of the mind. (111, 170).

Those infected with a proud, erroneous opinion about themselves, who recognize repentance as unnecessary for themselves, and who exclude themselves from the ranks of sinners, are rejected by the Lord. They can't be Christians (111, 183).

The prayer of the proud is destroyed by absent-mindedness. They are deprived of power over themselves: neither their thoughts nor feelings obey them. (111,348).

The lot of the unfortunate proud people, full of conceit and carnal wisdom, is eternal death, the death of the soul, which consists in decisive alienation from God, in the assimilation of hatred for God and humanity, the hatred with which Satan has infected himself and which he communicates to everyone who has entered into communication with him (111, 388).

The beautiful, sublime natural quality of contempt for sin turned into contempt for neighbors, into vicious conceit, self-love and pride in fallen nature. (111, 390).

...Our spirit is indignant against the destinies and permission of God... from our pride, from our blindness (112, 86).

Our heart, doomed after the fall to sprout thorns and thistles, is especially capable of pride if it is not cultivated by sorrows (112, 132).

God, looking... at human stumblings... allows them as an antidote that drives out... pride, selfishness. Bishop Ignatius (Brianchaninov) (112, 434).

One elder, a stylite who was fleeing near Edessa, when asked by St. Theodore, Bishop of Edessa, about what made him climb the pillar, told the following story. “Together with my older brother, we parted ways with the world in our youth. They spent three years in the monastery, then went into the desert and, having found two caves, settled in one, the brother in the other. We spent our time in silence, fasting and prayer and saw each other only on Sundays. This kind of life in the desert did not last long for me. One day, when we both came out of our caves to collect grains and roots for food and were at some distance from each other, I noticed that my brother suddenly stopped, as if he was afraid of something, and then ran headlong and disappeared into his I went to the cave to see what was there and saw a lot of scattered gold. Without thinking twice, I took off my robe, collected the unexpectedly found treasure into it and, with great difficulty, transferred it to my cell. After that, without saying a word to my brother, I went to the city, bought a large house there, set up a hospice and a hospital in it, and founded a monastery with them, placing forty monks in it. Having entrusted all this to the experienced abbot and handed him a thousand gold coins for his needs, and distributed another thousand to the poor, I again left the world and went to my brother. I was proud of myself and condemned my brother for not wanting to do good to people with the help of the gold he found. And when I approached my brother’s cave, thoughts of arrogance and conceit completely took possession of me. But at that time an Angel of God appeared to me and said: “Everything you have done is not worth the leap your brother made over gold. He is incomparably higher and more worthy than you before God. You're not even worth seeing him. And you won’t see it until you cleanse yourself from sin through repentance and tears.” The angel became invisible, and I went to my brother’s cave and, to my horror, I really didn’t find him. I shed a lot of tears, so many that I became completely exhausted. Finally, the Lord took pity on me, and a voice from above showed me the way to this place where you now see me and where I have been living for forty-nine years. Here, only in the last fiftieth summer, an Angel announced complete forgiveness to me and promised that I would see my brother in the abodes of heaven.” Prologue in teachings (81, 352-353).

Monk Iron spent fifty years in the desert and surpassed all the monks living in it with his life equal to the angels. But pride destroyed even such an ascetic. He imagined that other monks did not adhere to the same rules that, in his opinion, should be adhered to, and began to treat them with contempt. The devil, noticing the conceit that had arisen in the old man, did not hesitate to make an effort to destroy him, and achieved his goal. He appeared to him in the form of a bright Angel, and the self-deluded monk believed him. Then the devil invited the elder to throw himself into the well, saying that for his holy life this would not harm him. The elder obeyed and was pulled out of the well barely alive. On the third day he died. Prologue in teachings (81, 371-372).

Do not be hurt by thoughts, carried away in your impulses beyond the clouds. Often a fall lifted one from the ground to a height, and an elevation brought one down to the ground. God has laid down this law: to favor those who cry and cut off the wings of the arrogant.
Measure the path of your life in no small measure. If you are ahead of someone who is returning back or the most vicious, then do not think that you have already reached the limit of virtue. To surpass a few is not the height of perfection. The commandment and God must be your measure. And you are still far from God, although you go faster than others. Saint Gregory the Theologian (113, 617).

Do not be arrogant, lest you fall like the devil. Saint Tikhon of Zadonsk (104, 419).

CONTEMPT

Do not disdain man, so as not to anger his Creator (25, 375).

He who laughs at his neighbor is, as it were, slandering him, and slander is hated by God. Venerable Ephraim the Syrian (25, 180).

If Christ, being God, a partaker of the ineffable Divine being, took the cross and suffered for us and our salvation... then what are we not obliged to do for the sake of those who have the same nature with us and are our members in order to snatch them from the jaws of the devil and bring them to the path of virtue (46, 517).

How much better it would be for you to weaken yourself in order to save others, than, being on top, to see your brothers die (46,703).

Let's not despise each other. This is bad science that teaches us to despise God (45, 804).

Think how much God has done to save people and do not despise a single person. Saint John Chrysostom (46, 351).

By contempt for the fallen we prepare for ourselves great contempt.

God's measures are equal to our measures: by what we measure each other here, the great God will reward people with such. Saint Gregory the Theologian (14.346).

A Christian should not humiliate anyone, condemn anyone, not disdain anyone and not make distinctions between people. Venerable Macarius of Egypt (33, 113).

If a thought prompts you to humiliate your neighbor, think that God will deliver you into the hands of your enemies for this - and the thought will recede. Rev. Abba Isaiah (34, 97).

Don’t laugh at a person, and you won’t tolerate ridicule for the rest of your life. Venerable Neil of Sinai (48, 244).

Do not laugh at the distressed, do not rejoice when you see the corrupt, so that the Lord does not become angry with you and leave you unprotected on the day of trouble. Venerable Ephraim the Syrian (25, 211).

The judge, with equal severity, demands from us to take care of our salvation and that of our neighbors. (35, 80).

The strong need to be strong not only for themselves, but also for others... for each of us is responsible for the salvation of our neighbor (35,254).

If you, considering yourself strong, despise the weakness of another, then you will be subject to double punishment: both for not protecting him, and for having the strength to protect him. (35, 254).

No one can improve his affairs without loving his neighbor and caring for his salvation (35, 740).

It is necessary not only to warn against sin, but also to give a hand after the fall (35, 743).

When you see that someone needs treatment of body or soul, do not say: why didn’t so-and-so help him? No, save the sufferer from illness, and do not blame others for carelessness. If you found gold lying around, would you really say to yourself: why didn’t so-and-so pick it up? On the contrary, wouldn’t you hasten to carry it away before others? So think about your brothers and consider caring for them as finding a treasure. (35, 748).

What forgiveness and what justification will there be for us if an evil demon acts against us with such fury, and we do not show even a small part of such zeal for the salvation of our brothers, having God as our Helper? (35, 782).

We must continually and constantly correct and admonish our careless brothers in a friendly manner, even if there is no benefit from exhortation (35, 785).

We must never abandon the fallen, even if we knew in advance that they would not listen to us. (35, 785).

Great is the reward for those who care for their brothers, and great is the punishment for those who do not care about their salvation. (37, 140).

By preferring another, you give honor to yourself, making yourself worthy of greater honor - let us always give primacy to others (43, 357).

Then you will be most concerned about your own benefit when you look for it in what is useful for your neighbor. Saint John Chrysostom (46, 545).

CONCEPT

If you perform prayer and deeds with humility, as if you are unworthy, they will be favorable to God. If you remember another, sleeping or careless, and become exalted in your heart, then your work is in vain. (82, 135-136).

He who has abandoned concern for his own sins and taken upon himself the care of correcting others is alien to prayer offered from the whole heart, alien to the consolation delivered by the Divine mind. Abba Isaiah (82, 220).

Do not have contempt for what is ahead of you, because you do not know on whom the Holy Spirit rests - on him or on you. I call the one coming who serves you. Sayings of nameless elders (82,397).

If they say something unfair about you and you become embarrassed, then you have no fear of God. Abba Isaiah (82, 221).

Do not consider yourself wise, otherwise your soul will exalt itself with pride, and you will fall into the hands of your enemies... Venerable Anthony the Great (82, 23).

The Lord makes the one who humiliates and belittles himself wise. He who recognizes himself as wise falls away from the wisdom of God. Venerable Isaac the Syrian (82, 253).

If, having become proud, we are filled with a vain opinion of ourselves and arrogance, then we will fall into the inevitable judgment of the devil (9, 129).

He who loves himself with unreal love is self-loving. This is manifested in the fact that a person does everything for his own sake, even if what he did was in accordance with the commandment of the Lord. For to neglect, for the sake of your own peace, anything that is necessary for a brother - either in soul or in body - means already making obvious to others the vice of self-love, the end of which is death. Saint Basil the Great (8, 203).

There is no poison stronger than that of the asp and basilisk, and there is no evil more terrible than self-love. The fiends of self-love are flying snakes: self-praise in the heart, self-indulgence, satiety, fornication, vanity, envy and the pinnacle of all evils - pride, which has cast not only people, but also angels from heaven and instead of light covers them with darkness. Venerable Hesychius of Jerusalem (67, 212).

Let us not be proud, for from self-love, like branches, all vices sprout (25, 507).

Oblivion, laziness and negligence are born from a voluptuous and calm life, from attachment to fame and entertainment. And the primary reason and the most worthless mother of all this is pride, that is, unreasonable attachment and passionate commitment to the body... Venerable Ephraim the Syrian (27, 388).

The root and source of all evil is excessive pride. Saint John Chrysostom (45, 803).

Conceit is the blinding of the soul, which does not allow it to recognize its weakness (33, 393).

Conceit is an abomination to the Lord. It initially cast man out of paradise. Venerable Macarius of Egypt (33, 419).

He who is established in his own mind and lives according to his own will attracts crowds of demons to himself. Abba Isaiah (66, 316).

If the passion of conceit bothers you, say: “Get away from me, evil thought. Who am i? And in what virtue have I excelled? The saints were stoned (Heb. 11:37). The Master himself endured the cross for us (Heb. 12:2). And I, having spent the entire time of my life in sins, what answer will I give on the Day of Judgment?” This will drive away arrogance from yourself. Venerable Ephraim the Syrian (25, 551).

Remember that negligence is less harmful than conceit. Venerable Neil of Sinai (48, 194).

If you have a lot of merit and do not know anything bad about yourself, but consider yourself to have boldness, then all your prayer is invalid (35, 544).

Let someone accomplish countless feats and create every virtue, but if he begins to think highly of himself, then he is the most pitiful and unfortunate person (38, 326).

Why, man, do you think so much about yourself? Descend from your vain heights, consider the insignificance of your nature, you are earth and ashes, dust and dust, smoke and shadow, grass and grass color. Saint John Chrysostom (46, 600).

If you want to be wise and modest, and not slave to the passions of conceit, then always look in things for what is hidden from your mind. And finding that many and different things are unknown to you, you will be surprised at your ignorance and humble your wisdom. And having known your insignificance, you will know many great and wondrous things. Dreaming about your knowledge does not allow you to succeed in knowledge. Venerable Maximus the Confessor (68, 209).

Nothing leads so quickly to invisible destruction as self-conceit and self-indulgence. Venerable Peter of Damascus (62, 150).

It is a great evil when someone falls into conceit and thinks that he knows when he does not know, or that he has when he does not have: for, thinking that he knows or that he has, he no longer tries to know and acquire, but is left with nothing. . Venerable Simeon the New Theologian (60, 244).

He who is pompous and deceived by his mind in conceit will never, in humility, receive the grace of tenderness, for the sake of which the light of the wisdom of God is given. Rev. Nikita Stifat (70, 105).

Conceit - this spiritual weakness of ours, very difficult to notice and recognize, is most disgusting to God in us, as the first offspring of our selfishness and pride and the source, root and cause of all our falls and indecencies. It closes that door in the mind or spirit, only through which the grace of God usually enters us, preventing grace from entering and dwelling in a person (64, 18).

In order to avoid, as much as you can, heartfelt conceit and act without any hope in yourself,” and with only hope in God, each time tune in so that the consciousness and feeling of your weakness precedes the contemplation of the omnipotence of God, and both precede each action yours. Venerable Nicodemus the Holy Mountain (64, 25).

Whoever rejects self-love, the mother of passions, will, with God’s help, easily put aside all other passions: anger, sadness, rancor. He who is possessed by pride, even if he did not want to, is also wounded by passions. Self-love is passionate love for the body (68,187).

From self-love are born the first three passionate and frantic thoughts: gluttony, love of money and vanity, borrowing reasons from bodily needs, and from them the whole tribe of passions is born. That is why we must beware of pride and confront it with great vigilance. Venerable Maximus the Confessor (68.188).

For those who have just set out for heroic deeds, nothing prevents them from fulfilling the commandments more than pride. It serves as an obstacle to success even for the zealous. It puts into them the thought of incurable illnesses and suffering of the body and thereby cools the heat of spiritual jealousy and inclines it to abandon suffering for the sake of virtue. Rev. Nikita Stifat (70, 97).

Nothing makes the soul of even zealous ascetics so relaxed, thoughtless and careless as self-love, this nurse of passions. Saint Gregory of Sinai (70, 200).

It is not surprising that the devil tempts a person with sin, but it is surprising that he seduces, even leading to virtue: for where he cannot overcome on the left, there he overcomes on the right; where he cannot overcome with sins, there he overcomes with good deeds. Whomever he cannot defeat with impurity, he defeats with purity, putting into his mind the pride of purity. This enemy treachery was seen by Saint John Climacus, who said: “The fox pretends to be sleeping, and the demon pretends to be chaste (that is, a pure person), the first - in order to grab a chicken, the second - in order to destroy the soul; It’s not a pity if someone goes to hell for impurity, it’s a pity to go with purity to fiery Gehenna.” If the devil cannot defeat someone by overeating or drunkenness, then he will conquer by fasting, like those about whom the Gospel says: “They take on gloomy faces in order to appear to people as fasting” (Matthew 6:16), but this is not the kind of fasting the Lord desires. .

It is not surprising for a drunkard and glutton to go to hell; It is surprising and worthy of pity that the highly intelligent faster does not escape the same torments. It is not surprising that an overweight carnivore with a fat belly cannot squeeze into the narrow gates of heaven, but it is surprising and worthy of pity that a withered, exhausted body with long abstinence, barely having skin on his bones, will not squeeze into the gates of heaven. The sinner will not enter as a sinner; the righteous will not enter as self-satisfied and considering himself virtuous.

That is why it is said: “There are ways that seem right to a man; but their end is the way to death” (Proverbs 14:12). So, a person needs to be careful not to deviate either to the left - that is, into sinful delights, or to the right - into unnecessary, extremely severe feats and not come to pride. You need to follow the royal path, that is, a moderate life, moderate virtue (103, 596-597).

“Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain; “If the Lord does not protect the city, the watchman watches in vain,” says the prophet (Ps. 126:1). Work and be sober for the good, do not rely on yourself, but, praying to God, always earnestly appeal to His help. If the Lord helps you and assists you, the work will be accomplished, but if not, everything that is yours will fall apart. Even if you had something supposedly good that would not be accepted by the Lord, what benefit would it be to you?... He will say to you: “Friend! I don’t offend you... take what you have and go,” according to the Gospel parable (Matthew 20: 13-14). Therefore, our good deeds depend not so much on us as on the mercy of Christ. If you imagine yourself to be something, then before Him you are nothing, because that is how you think about yourself. If you consider yourself reasonable and worthy, then you are very indecent. If you consider yourself pure, righteous and holy, then you, as the most wretched and sinful of all people, are considered a complete insignificance before the Lord: “Everyone who is proud in heart is an abomination to the Lord,” says Solomon (Proverbs 16:5). Saint Demetrius of Rostov (103, 1042).

While a person is in such blindness, he thinks of himself that he is doing everything correctly and wisely, but, in fact, all his actions, deeds, plans and undertakings are just delusions. For the heart, from which everything comes, filled with vanity and filled with worldly love, is capable of what else but to conceive and put into action vain things? And such a one is in all respects like a man blind or in darkness, who, although covered in dirt, thinks that he is clean; although he has lost his way and is lost, he thinks that he is following the proper path. And this blindness is all the more disastrous because a person does not see it. For knowing it is the beginning of spiritual bliss. And this blindness is noticed not only in simple and illiterate people, but also in the wise and reasonable of this age, who consider themselves to be something high and separate themselves from the simple, uneducated and ignorant. Where there is immoderate pride and love for this world, there is this blindness. Self-love and love for the world cannot exist without this blindness (104, 1625-1626).

From this it is clear why those who are arrogant with their imaginary truth do not demand and do not accept the Gospel, because they do not recognize and do not recognize their weakness and sinfulness. On the contrary, obvious sinners are closer to this, because they see their poverty and unworthiness. That is why it is written: “All the publicans and sinners drew near to Him (Christ) to listen to Him. The Pharisees and scribes grumbled: “He receives sinners and eats with them” (Luke 15: 1-2), arrogant at their supposed holiness, for whoever does not see his weakness and does not acknowledge it does not seek a doctor, only the sick, suffering from a heart wounded by the arrow of sin and sorrow. “It is not the healthy who need a physician, but the sick,” says Christ (Matthew 9:12) (104, 1626).

A soul sick with conceit cannot see God (104, 1626).

Man is poor and sinful, but he is all the more poor and sinful because he does not see his poverty and unworthiness. He thinks he is white, but he is black, like a raven. He thinks he sees and knows everything, but he is blind and knows nothing. He thinks that he is rich, but he is truly low and wretched. He thinks that he is honest, but he is dishonest, like cattle. He thinks he is kind, but in reality he is angry. Thinks he's healthy, but he's relaxed. He thinks that he is happy, but he is poorer and more unhappy than any creature. Sin made him this way (104, 1627).

Hope in oneself, in one’s own piety, in honor, wealth, one’s strength, in princes and other creatures proves heartfelt unbelief, for hope in God is inseparable from faith; and true faith tries to be free from all hope except hope in God, and is confirmed in one God. Saint Tikhon of Zadonsk (104, 1627-1628).

With what enthusiasm Saint Peter assured that he would not deny the Lord, and when it came down to it, he denied Him, and three more times. Such is our weakness! Do not be arrogant and, entering into the faith of your enemies, place all your hope in the Lord to overcome them. Then such a high person was allowed to fall, so that after that no one would dare to correct anything good on his own and overcome any enemy, internal or external. However, trust in the Lord, but do not give up. Help from the Lord comes to our efforts and, combined with them, makes them powerful. Without these efforts, there is nothing for God’s help to descend upon, and it will not descend. But if you are arrogant and, therefore, have no need for help and do not look for it, again it will not condescend. How can she descend to where she is considered unnecessary?! And in this case there is nothing to accept it with. She accepts it with her heart. The heart opens to acceptance with a sense of necessity. So both are needed. God help me! but don’t lie down yourself. Bishop Theophan the Recluse (107, 38-39).

Self-love and attachment to the temporary and vain are the fruits of self-delusion, blindness, and spiritual death. Self-love is perverted self-love (108, 88).

Self-love idolizes its fallen, falsely named mind, and tries to constantly satisfy its falsely directed will in everything. Self-love is expressed in hatred of neighbors or in people-pleasing (109, 116).

He who imagines himself to be full of grace will never receive grace. He who thinks he is holy will never achieve holiness (108, 248).

Smart doing... is simple and requires infantile simplicity and faith to be accepted; but we have become... complex... We want to be smart, we want to enliven our Self, we do not tolerate self-sacrifice, we do not want to act correctly... (109, 256).

Teaching according to the letter, when left to its own devices, immediately gives rise to conceit and pride, and through them alienates a person from God. While appearing outwardly to be the knowledge of God, it can, in essence, be complete ignorance, a rejection of Him. (110, 5).

Conceit and “pride, in essence, consist in the rejection of God and in the worship of oneself. They are subtle, hard to understand and hard to reject idolatry (111, 25).

What a terrible mental illness - conceit! In human affairs, it deprives the proud of the help and advice of others, and in the work of God, in the matter of salvation, it... deprives... the gift of God brought from heaven by the Son of God... it deprives the Divine Revelation and, connected with the acceptance of this Revelation, the most blessed communion with God (111,170).

Vain, proud concepts, from which conceit is made, destroy in a person that spiritual throne on which the Holy Spirit usually sits, destroy the only condition that attracts the mercy of God to a person (111,348).

In order for repentance to be valid and bring us salvation and eternal bliss, we must acquire repentance in ourselves, in our souls. It is necessary for our very spirit to be crushed and humbled by godly sadness, born from the consciousness and feeling of our sinfulness; we must throw out conceit, in whatever form it may be present in us (111, 379).

Conceit is an ailment of our spirit, not noticed by those who do not pay attention to their salvation, but an ailment so strong and important that it places a person among the rejected spirits hostile to God (111,380).

Conceit begins to manifest itself in secret condemnation of neighbors and in a clear disposition to lecture them (112, 103).

Mental activities can distract a person from humility and God, attract him to conceit and worship of his Self (112, 328).

To those who have succeeded in conceit, demons begin to appear in the form of Angels of Light, martyrs, in the form of the Mother of God and Christ Himself... They promise them heavenly crowns, thereby elevating them to the heights of conceit and pride (112, 347).

A self-conceited person who recognizes any dignity in himself cannot repel the demonic seduction from the outside, being embraced and shackled by it inside (112, 379).

Arrogance and conceit are always combined with a subtle, often unnoticed, contempt for others (112, 433).

Just as holy love is a union of perfection and is made up of the fullness of all virtues, so self-love is that sinful state that is made up of the fullness of all... various sinful passions (109, 117).

Correct love lies in fulfilling Christ’s life-giving commandments: “For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments” (1 John 5:3). Bishop Ignatius (Brianchaninov) (111, 260).

– Psychology of vanity – what is it? How is it formed?

– It is important to note that with this formulation of the problem (“the psychology of vanity”), there is a mixture of two discourses – psychological and religious. Vanity is a term from a spiritual context, understood as passion or sin; we undertake to discuss it in the psychological field. And if we talk about the psychological content of vanity, then first we should define this concept.

For example, we read on Wikipedia: “Vanity is the desire to look great in the eyes of others, the need to confirm one’s superiority, sometimes accompanied by the desire to hear flattery from other people.” This is the need for vain glory, glory from people. And this need - for praise, admiration, attention to oneself - is indeed largely a psychological phenomenon that can be discussed, among other things, as a phenomenon not only of a spiritual nature.

And this need may have several reasons. There is such a thing as character accentuation. There are several types of accentuations, one of them is hysterical, and for people who have this accentuation, an insatiable need for attention to themselves is the main character trait.

It happens that this type of character manifests itself from early childhood. In this sense, we can conditionally speak of innateness. For example, a child cannot stand it when someone else is praised next to him, or he quickly gets tired of doing something, gets tired of new toys, it is important for him to always be the center of attention. Growing up, such children often show good artistic abilities; at school, in clubs, they participate in theatrical productions, publicly read poetry, sing, and perform.

This does not mean that all those who love the stage have a hysterical type of character, but hysteroids have a great need for this. That is, in some cases, it is simply congenital; there are even studies that show that in adolescents, 2-3% of adolescents have such an accentuation, more often in female adolescents.

Another reason lies in childhood trauma. Every child has an innate, strong need for attention, a need for love, a desire to be appreciated for who he is, of course, regardless of what he does. This is a normal, universal reality. And if a child does not receive enough of this unconditional love, he does not have this basic feeling that I am important, loved and needed for who I am, then subsequently a need may develop to confirm himself, to “get” this love in such a slightly crooked way - through desire praise and glory. They praise me - I am good, valuable, necessary; they don’t praise me - it’s as if I’m not there, because no one notices me.

This is one of the typical consequences of childhood psychological trauma, when a person has not formed a basic, value-based attitude towards himself. Trauma is not necessarily an accident, war, fire, etc., for a child, a lack of love and unconditional acceptance is also a disaster, especially if it lasts for many years, day after day.

A child’s attitude towards himself is formed through the way his loved ones treat him, only then does it move to the internal plane, interiorize - the external turns into the internal. First, a person is guided by how his parents treat him, then his peers; at primary school age, the figure of the teacher becomes very important, and how others treat me, then goes into the internal plane, I know what I am like, how I relate to to yourself.

If I have not formed a basic attitude towards myself, an understanding that I am good in myself, regardless of what I do, then there is a need to constantly confirm from the outside that I am good.

As a rule, many of us grow up in a situation of conditional love: when you did well, well done, the emotional message “I love you”; did something bad - different reactions: coldness, rejection, anger. There is no distinction between a person and an action, there is no attitude towards a child that you are loved in any case, and what you do can be good or bad. And then the basic value attitude towards oneself is not formed.

It is difficult to talk about any pathology here, including spiritual, because one can only feel sorry for such a person. Almost every client who finds himself in a psychologist's office brings this phenomenon of dislike.

– What can parents be advised to distinguish between a child’s actions and personality?

– In our country, unfortunately, many Soviet parents read harmful pedagogical literature, which says, for example, that you cannot carry children in your arms, pay a lot of attention, that this is supposedly pampering - such harmful pedagogy. There is one classic answer here, a classic formula given by Carl Rogers, the founder of humanistic psychotherapy: “I love you, but what you do upsets me.” I came across the following formulation from the Holy Fathers: love a person, do not condemn a person, but condemn sin.

It is very important to distinguish between a person and an action, personality and manifestations. I need to keep this in my mind all the time, to understand that if I now turn away from the child, this can have serious consequences. For a child, emotional rejection is tantamount to a serious catastrophe; he cannot yet, as an adult, understand that there may be a series of reasons - problems with his mother, some bad day, or something else. He takes everything very literally - the world has turned its back on me, I’m bad.

The basic emotional message to the child is important: you are valuable to me, important, desired. There should be such a message: you are good, I love you, you are needed and important, and actions can be treated differently. If this exists, then an atmosphere of safety is created, which is very important for the development of the child.

Don't denounce the hysteroid

– If we have a sad situation, when an adult disliked person has already formed, then what psychological and behavioral deviations can develop from vanity?

– If we talk about accentuation, in particular about hysterical accentuation, then it is common for a person to repress unpleasant facts and events. It is impossible for consciousness to accept that something is wrong with me, to recognize some kind of negative in myself - it is like a disaster. This is a feature of accentuation, when there is such an insatiable hunger for incessant, constant attention to oneself. There is an unstable attitude towards oneself, but there are no resources to accept oneself holistically, including one’s not best sides.

And the psyche works by defense, repression - the person is simply not aware, he simply sincerely does not see any of his shortcomings. Not because he is lying, not because he is deliberately using ostrich politics, turning a blind eye, but because repression is triggered, and this is an unconscious mechanism.

It is difficult to communicate with such people, because any indication of some shortcoming causes rejection, conflict, irritation - the person cannot accept criticism. I am reminded of the Proverbs of Solomon (9:8): “Do not rebuke the wicked, lest they hate you: reprove the wise, and he will love you.” It’s the same here: don’t denounce the hysteroid, because he will hate you. If the hysterical accentuation is very pronounced, there are problems with a critical attitude towards oneself, then such a person is practically unable to conduct a genuine dialogue.

It happens that a person begins to lie, fantasize, pretend, and this is not a lie in the full sense of the word. For hysterics, this happens almost unconsciously; every time the person sincerely believes that he is telling the truth, again, because he has many unconscious defense mechanisms that do not allow him not to play.

A person needs to play to the public all the time, the need for attention is dominant, it determines everything, it captures the person, and all other needs fade into the background or background. To satisfy this need for attention, a person goes to various means, sometimes unconsciously, just to be in the center of attention.

Often it is also completely unbearable for a person when attention is not given to him. In teenagers this manifests itself especially clearly - it’s better to get at least some attention to me, even if it’s bad, than not to be noticed. This sometimes explains deviant behavior in adolescence, at least this is one of the reasons. If children are misbehaving, it is worth considering whether they receive enough attention.

It’s often like this in families: when everything is fine, the parents are calm and practically do not pay attention to the child. Five - well done, cleaned the room - good, but as soon as something bad happens, streams of attention pour out. This attention has a minus sign - the child is scolded, raised, fussed over, visited by doctors and teachers - but there is a lot of this attention. And here the conclusion is clear: of course, it is better to pay attention to the good, and not wait until the child screams through some hooligan actions: look at me, give me at least some attention.

A hysterical person may resort to adventurism and some sophisticated forms of attracting attention. Such an upstart. This can even be taken as some kind of creativity or originality, but usually there is nothing deep behind it - hysterics have problems with deep feelings. There are a lot of superficial emotions, a lot of expression, a lot of pronounced manifestations, but in close communication with them it is quite boring. There is no depth, no serious position of its own. Such people can be very attractive and interesting at first glance, but when you start communicating with them closer, everything fades away.

– What can this lead to, what are the consequences of such behavior?

– Such a person, by and large, turns out to be very lonely. It is difficult for him to establish close, intimate, spiritual relationships, because in order to enter into intimacy, he needs to open up. Intimacy requires openness, the ability to show not only your good sides, but also your bad ones. A true friend knows your bad sides. A confessor with whom you have serious intimacy also knows your different sides.

But here access to a real person is extremely difficult, either this is done consciously or unconsciously. Much is repressed, there is no particular depth.

It’s a serious problem when attention to yourself determines all areas of life. A person is happy only as long as there is attention, but it cannot be 24 hours a day, and as soon as this attention is gone, the end of the world comes. This is the main dominant human need, which cannot be fully satisfied. This doesn't happen often, but it does happen.

I want to emphasize that we are now focusing on the difficulties of people with a certain type of character, this does not mean at all that these are some kind of flawed or doomed people diagnosed with “vanity”, because they were born with such an accentuation. Each character type has its own strengths and weaknesses, but now we are discussing the type whose weakness is the need for attention, because this is the subject of our conversation today. Many hysterical people, for example, are very talented. The issue is the accents.

Usually, a person with other types of character accentuation, when the hysterical traits are not so sharply sharpened, has other areas of life that are also important. That is, life does not revolve around the need for attention and fame, even if there is a serious lack of self-acceptance and the need for confirmation of one's value from the outside. He has this problem, like every person, there are some weak points, but this is one of them, that is, there is no capture by the need for attention.

I'm not like that publican

A classic example is the Pharisee, and Pharisaism in general as an example of vanity. Everything is done for show, it is not clear what is inside. As Christ says: “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites, for you are like whitewashed tombs, which on the outside appear beautiful, but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and all uncleanness” (Matthew 23:27). It’s not clear what’s going on inside, but everything is fine outside – a classic example.

And another important feature of Pharisaism, according to the parable of the publican and the Pharisee - I not only thank God that I am so good, pay tithes and so on, but I also not like that, How this publican. That is, I humiliate him, putting myself above. To assert myself, I need, like a teenager, to put everyone around me down, and then I will feel that I am a hero. Humiliating another person in order to feel like a star. Moreover, this happens in the face of God.

– Does this happen involuntarily or consciously?

– A person may be completely unaware that he is humiliating others, not see it at all, and then it is difficult to talk about arbitrary sin. It’s another matter when a person is of sound mind and sober memory, with And depriving himself, nevertheless he goes for it. This is probably what happens when a person feeds his passion, indulges it, as the Holy Fathers say. “I know that I have this feature, but I don’t care, I’ll go and assert myself at the expense of others, humiliate the other, and it will be good for me.” And here, be that as it may - trauma is not trauma, accentuation is not accentuation - there is a moment of arbitrariness, and we can talk about sin, because it is in the hands of man.

– If a person was humiliated in childhood, will this then give rise to a response, perhaps unconscious, in the future?

– Here we return to the topic of dislike. The reaction may be different, some may take the form of revenge, yes. The fact is that we largely adopt the relationship models in which we grew up. A person develops a certain pattern, a stereotype of interaction. For example, a person grew up in a family in which he was humiliated all the time, and he knows what it's like. It’s the same with the children of alcoholics, who then either don’t drink at all or will enter into the same relationship, for example, choosing a husband who drinks, because they know what it’s like, they’re used to it.

You may not like this, but the person doesn’t really know how it could be different, so he unknowingly plays out the same scenario.

Many psychological phenomena are built on this mechanism, when the same relationship scenario is repeated. For example, very often girls come to psychotherapy and complain: I have one, another, third young man, and it’s always the same thing, the relationship develops according to the same scenario. But a person simply grew up in a certain model of relationships, and then loses this model.

A response after humiliation in childhood can also be built on this mechanism: I was offended, I got used to living in the model of victim-persecutor, or tyrant-victim, and then I continue to live in this model. And it doesn’t matter here - I will remain a victim, and they will tyrannize me, or there will be a changeling - I will tyrannize, and others next to me will be victims. The problem is that it is difficult to enter a new relationship model.

Reciprocal humiliation is not always special revenge; often it is just a habitual way of relationships. And this is also not always realized; a person notices that something is wrong only by the fruits, when there are many repeating plots, for example, the same love relationships. Again the same plot, again the same scenario: at first he liked me, then we met for two months, then he suddenly disappeared, without explanation. One disappeared, the other disappeared, why do they disappear? What's the matter?

Or some terrible stories when there was a love, a relationship, and then the man began to abuse the woman - cruelty, beating, manipulation, use. A woman thinks that it will be better with another, but the other is the same. A typical plot of a codependency problem.

People see almost some kind of magic in this: I attract such people. Or: God sends these to me. But God has nothing to do with it. This is just a psychological reality, not a spiritual one. A person really attracts such relationships because for him this is a familiar way of existing.

If we talk about the psychology of trauma, then trauma tends to repeat itself. If there was a trauma in childhood, in particular domestic violence, not necessarily a one-time event, a tyrant dad, for example, then later a person wants to get rid of the trauma, this is how the body is biologically structured. But in order to get rid of it, a person needs to relive this trauma again. The problem is that a person repeats the same traumatic scenario, and deliverance does not happen.

This happens, for example, with accidents - a person gets into an accident, and then gets into them regularly, because unconsciously he plays it out again and again. Or a person comes after the war, and all the time he finds himself in some kind of showdown, like in the war, because he already knows how it is in the war, and he needs to repeat this plot in order to free himself from those traumatic experiences.

We have gone very far from vanity, but for our topic this moment of repetition mechanisms is important.

Actually I'm cool

– And if a person is too helpful, attentive, overly eager to please, is this normal, or is this also suspicious behavior?

– It happens that this is the other side of the phenomenon of codependency. A person is so afraid of facing some kind of criticism that he deliberately behaves extremely politely. Most often this is a post-traumatic reality - a lack of basic good attitude. Thus, a person acquires this attitude towards himself, does whatever he wants, just so that there are no conflicts, just so that there is no stern look, a raised eyebrow, or some kind of emotionally unwarm attitude.

This is suspicious, because here it is difficult to talk about a free, mature personality that can express itself. A person always takes a serving position: just so that you feel good, just so that you don’t get angry with me, just so that you treat me well. This is a dependence on how others treat me, and behind this there is a lack of one’s own stable position, a stable self-attitude. My attitude towards myself is equal to how others treat me. Can you imagine how difficult it is, a person does not know what he is - good, bad, he can only focus on others. Normally, a stable self-attitude, independent of the opinions of others, is gradually formed in adolescence.

This is a question of identity that an adult should have. If it is neither shaky nor shaky or not at all, then my identity is equal to how others look at me. I don’t have my own support, my own ground under my feet, my own understanding: who I am, what I am, I don’t have a clear identity, I understand what I am only from the looks of others. It’s not particularly interesting to communicate with such people, and most importantly, it’s very difficult for them themselves.

– What is inadequate and unstable self-esteem, how does it manifest itself in contrast to healthy self-esteem?

– There is a myth that self-esteem can be either high or low, and in the middle it is normal. In fact, this scale is not like that: on one side there is both high and low self-esteem, and on the other - normal. Simply put, there is a sick self-esteem, and there is a healthy one, and the one that is sick is either high or low.

When a person says about himself: “I am the worst, I am nothing of myself,” then behind this is the opposite opinion: “In fact, I think about myself that I am very cool, but there is a fear that this will not be confirmed , and I need to demonstratively say all the time how terrible I am in order to be supported.” Behind this lies, again, a sick, unstable identity and self-attitude.

And the same thing with high self-esteem: if a person walks around and shouts to everyone that he is a star, it means he lacks the feeling of being a star, normal, good, he needs to confirm this all the time.

When there is personal maturity, which includes self-acceptance, knowledge of the real self, then there is healthy, normal self-esteem. With high or low self-esteem, it is usually difficult to truly know oneself; a person is constantly chattering - either I’m terrible, or I’m wonderful.

In the case of healthy self-esteem, a person does not have the problem of being preoccupied with it; this is not a dominant topic for him - it does not bother him, it does not hurt. A person knows his strengths and weaknesses, accepts himself in different ways, treats himself calmly and evenly.

– Is it possible to somehow move towards healthy self-esteem and learn this?

– I will never say that someone is hopeless or that development is impossible, that would be untrue. Who can give up on a person? Just as in spiritual life, any person before death can convert, so in psychological reality. Of course, there are people who have a harder time changing, while others have more resources and potential for this.

Another thing is that this is such a basic, very serious problem - self-acceptance, attitude towards yourself. This is a very pressing problem - the loss of a value-based attitude towards oneself. I have been thinking about this for many years and can only carefully express my assumptions, nurtured from the experience of psychotherapeutic practice, as well as personal experience.

The basic reason for painful self-esteem, a low-value attitude towards oneself, as we said, is a lack of love. What to do? You need the experience of love. And here, no matter how much you say, no matter how many books you read, as a rule, you don’t get it in your head. Very often people come to psychotherapy: “I understand everything with my mind, but I can’t do anything.” As the Apostle Paul says: “I do not do the good that I want, but the evil that I do not want, I do.” Perhaps this is a general human reality, unfortunately.

When moving towards self-acceptance, you need experience meetings with love, so it seems to me. There was no experience of meeting love at the level of feelings, at the level of the entire heart being, which means you need to find it, live it. Here, of course, you can criticize me: “Well, now, until they love me, I won’t become better?” Indeed, we often encounter such an infantile position: no one loves me, that’s why I’m so unhappy. But I think the main candidate for the way out is to seek an encounter with the love of God.

If a person is not religious, it may be a little more difficult; you need to build a construct of self-acceptance, self-love, as psychologists say - to raise your own parent, who will adopt you. A line of psychotherapeutic work where an inner parent is built who will love and accept your inner child. This path is also possible, and not necessarily only within the framework of psychotherapy.

But, of course, as a believer, I am closer to moving towards meeting the love of God. And here it is also important to accept yourself, because if I hate myself, it is very difficult for me to see how God loves me. And of course, it is important to understand that there is an action of grace when God Himself intervenes in a person’s life. This is a separate, global topic.

Priests often advise: “Go and love your neighbor.” I think what is meant is that if I go and learn to show another person unconditional love, which perhaps I do not have for myself, then this experience can then be transferred to myself.

But over the years, I have come more and more to the idea that there is a kind of trinity: the way I treat myself is the same way I treat people, and in a sense, the same way I treat God. Maybe, indeed, you can pull this ball from any thread. For example, with my attitude towards other people - this can gradually change my attitude towards myself. But since I work more with people individually, it’s closer for me to start pulling this thread from the person’s attitude towards himself.

Where there are many accusations, there is self-justification

“Could it happen that when you begin to show love to others, you will end up receiving from them the love that you lacked?”

– There really can be two mechanisms here: the first, when I go and implement this attitude towards another, and then I can relate to myself in a similar way. And we sometimes use this in psychotherapy, we try to explain: if another person acted like you, would you also scold him the way you scold yourself? Sometimes it works, a person understands: yes, if it’s someone else, I look at the situation differently. Why am I being cruel to myself?

And the second mechanism that you are talking about is that there is a chance that by showing love to another, you will meet the same attitude towards yourself, and it can be healing.

I think the healing factor is a living, real loving relationship - with God, with other people.

– If we return to vanity, are vanity and delusions of grandeur different things?

– Vanity is still a need for external glory; a person constantly needs an audience, cameras, eyes that look at him. And megalomania is when I myself am beautiful in my own right, I don’t need an audience, it doesn’t matter to me how much others confirm me. Delusions of grandeur are the upper pole of that same sick self-esteem in the direction of its overestimation, the edge when we can already move into the field of psychiatry.

Vanity needs an audience, at least somehow, but it needs people. And where there is delusion of grandeur, people are no longer needed or important at all. And here we could rather talk about pride.

– What is the difference between vanity and self-esteem?

– Self-esteem, when I just basically treat myself well and respect myself. And this is very important, since often in the church environment there is a myth that respecting oneself, treating oneself well is a sin, on the contrary, one must, on the contrary, humiliate oneself in every possible way. But in such a respectful, accepting attitude towards oneself, in self-esteem, unlike vanity, there is no exaltation over others, and there is no need for external confirmation.

This is something very healthy, that very healthy self-esteem, which is neither high nor low. Such a valuable attitude towards oneself.

In the case of a need for constant praise, a person has a lack of value-based attitude towards himself, he needs others. Moreover, others become for him a means to satisfy his goal.

– Shame to confess one’s sins and self-justification – manifestations of vanity?

– I would be very careful about this reduction to one denominator. It’s hardly possible to say that there is always shame in confessing sins and self-justification is vanity. There may be some other passions here, the same pride, for example, or there may be childhood traumas.

If a child was severely scolded for any negative manifestation, then it is clear that he will be terribly ashamed to go to confession. If he was shamed, he was brought up with shame: “Shame on you, how could you do this!” - and rejected him at that moment, it is clear that the child will develop a terrible fear of opening up and a very strong basic feeling of shame. He will be ashamed of everything, any self-presentation. Therefore, it is not at all necessary that this is a manifestation of vanity.

Behind self-justification also lies a lack of self-acceptance. After all, if there is self-justification, then there is also self-accusation. This is always a dialogical reality: if I need to justify myself all the time, it means that I have internal authorities that accuse me all the time. This is a dialogue, a metaphor for a court - there is an accuser, and there is a defender. Most likely, such a person has a basic feeling of guilt, the habit of blaming himself all the time, and, as if conventionally, two voices that argue with each other: one accuses, the other justifies.

Behind this, the true, personal truth, the truth about oneself, is lost. Everything is either very bad or very good. Either you are to blame for everything, or you are not to blame for anything. Both of these are not true.

– The advice to never make excuses, in this sense, what can it lead to?

– I don’t know if this can always be done arbitrarily. You don't have to make excuses out loud. But if a person has a lot of this self-accusation, this voice sounds quite loudly in his soul, then where there are many accusations, there will be justification. And then you can’t mechanically stop making excuses. There is a deeper reality here when you need to work not with one excuse, but with this pair - accusation and justification. You need to try to meet the truth in yourself, learn, again, to accept yourself.

Striving for success

– Healthy motivation for success and pathological motivation for success – how do they differ in life? Is the desire for success generally a correct attitude in life, is success as a goal?

– Probably, the question is in accents, in priorities. Every human activity is multi-motivated - I do some kind of work, and I can have a lot of motives. For example, there may be such a motive: I feel so guilty all the time, especially if I do nothing, that I need to do anything just so as not to feel guilty. This motive of wanting to avoid basic guilt is very powerful and can determine many activities. I will do anything just to not feel guilty.

Another motive is the desire for success. If we talk about vanity, a person does something out of a powerful need for fame, for confirmation, for feeding his painful self-esteem. A person needs to experience a situation of success all the time, only in this way can he consider himself to have value. If there is no situation of success, I am nothing. Here again we come up against identity and a value-based attitude towards oneself. Who am I?

We pray: “Our Father,” and if He is the Father, then who am I? If I know that I am a child of God, then all these questions - success or not success - cease to be so significant. But you just need to know not with your mind, but with your whole being, your gut, your skin, if you want. In our heads, we kind of know all this.

The problem is when the desire for success is the main driving motive. Then it is very difficult to talk about any career guidance. I remember one client who came with a request for career guidance. She was already about thirty, she had worked in all sorts of ways, and now she also didn’t know what she wanted to do. And so, we dug and dug, I tried to understand what she liked, what areas of activity pleased her, in the end it turned out that there were two things that determined her interests. The first is a significant other. As a rule, this is the figure of a teacher, that is, she, for example, studied singing, but the singing teacher was important to her, she went for him. And secondly, she liked publicity, she liked performing.

And then we came up with her on the topic of the need for stardom. What did a person do all his life? Fulfilled the need for success. All types of her activities - no matter dancing, singing, music, even some kind of managerial work - were determined by this dominant need for success. To the detriment of the search for meaning, the content of this thing that you like.

– Maybe a person just goes where he does well?

– This is a slightly different version of events, this can also happen: I will do anything just to avoid failure, as long as I do it well. There is such a strong fear of failure that if I do badly, I am nothing.

And here the question is multi-motivational: I do it because I like the content myself and plus I’m good at it, or I do it only because I can do it Not depending on whether I like it or not.

The problem begins where the desire for success is the central, dominant motive, overriding the rest. The matter itself is no longer so important, all semantic things fade into the background, there is only the task of confirmation. There is no true self, no real self-determination, no self-realization in this.

– How to interact with vain people if you have to interact with them? For example, if a vain person becomes a boss, what to expect from him and how to behave with him?

– This is such a personal choice, since, as a rule, you understand who is in front of you, what motivates him. A person says to himself: I will enter into a relationship with him in which it will be very convenient and easy for me to interact with him, I will be able to achieve a variety of goals, but at the cost of feeding his neurosis. I understand that this is his weak point, that this is his need, his praise - he will do everything. I go for it, praise him in every possible way, feed this vain part of him. As a result, we have a great relationship and everything is great. And here the manipulation is not on the part of a vain person, but by the one who is nearby.

If a vain person is a subordinate, it is easy to control him: the person must be praised, and he will do everything. This is a hook with which it is very convenient to manage people.

In the same way, it is convenient to manage people who are very guilty - they will do anything just so as not to feel guilty. And this is the road to addiction. If you find an approach, and it is not difficult to find, then a person will do a lot of things. Pay a lot of attention, put it on the honor board, compare, say, you are our best employee of the year, and he will work hard. Very comfortably. But I repeat, this is a personal, value choice, a person decides for himself: I will flatter, dissemble for the sake of my goals, or I will go for a direct and honest relationship, even with the threat of conflict.

– Is conflict necessarily implied?

– I think not, but if this is a person with a sharp accentuation, and you ignore him all the time, he will simply leave, you will be an empty place for him. This requires balance and understanding of the other person's weakness. It’s cool, of course, to hit the truth straight in the face, to be super honest and hit it where it hurts. But this is not merciful.

“Bear each other’s burdens” - if you are stronger, if you see the weakness of another person, you understand that this is his dependence, his weak point, then you need to treat him with care, without lying, because surely the person has something to praise for. In general, giving each other compliments and praising each other for something really good is healthy and normal. There is no pathology or threat here. Here you need to maintain a balance with your own honesty, which does not imply the need to lash out and swear for any reason or, on the contrary, feed an addiction.

And this applies not only to vanity. Each of us has many of our own weaknesses and infirmities. If you know that a person is irritable, and you live in the same apartment with him, you can, of course, honestly tell him: “Listen, you are overcome by the passion of anger, you probably haven’t repented enough,” or: “I’m so sick of you, You always start up with a half-turn!” It will be true, but it will not be merciful.

Consider the weakness of another, and do not lead a person into temptation. You know that he is annoyed by the light in the bathroom not being turned off, well, turn off the light! Don't step on the sore spot. If you know that this person is terribly vain, take this feature into account.

What will people say

– The thought “what will they say” - there is no person who is not afraid of ridicule, public condemnation, but where are the boundaries of normal fear and pathological?

– Probably, to one degree or another, everyone has this anxiety, some have panic horror, others have mild anxiety.

I would answer the question from the point of view of clinical psychology. There are criteria for distinguishing between accentuation and personality disorder. There are three criteria: impact on all areas of life, stability over time and social maladjustment.

Impact on all areas of life. If we talk about the topic of fear - “what will they say”, then the conditionally norm is where a person is more afraid in some situations, less in others. That is, for example, when a loved one speaks, he is not afraid at all, but when he is the boss, his knees tremble. But there is no totality, it does not manifest itself in all areas of life, under all circumstances. Normally it really depends on the situation and circumstances. And a person with a personality disorder reacts to any psychogenic influences in accordance with the characteristics of his disorder. For example, he may read any dissatisfied expression on his neighbor’s face as mockery and become very frightened.

The second criterion is stability over time. At different periods of a person’s life, accentuations can manifest themselves with varying degrees of intensity. For example, a teenager reacts strongly to how they treat him, and this is normal. Or, when we have had enough sleep, feel good, and are stable, we react more calmly to criticism. And in a state of some kind of exhaustion, a critical period in life, we become more vulnerable, vulnerable, and perceive criticism more difficult. Pathology begins when this continues throughout time.

And the third criterion, especially important in our context, is what is called social maladaptation. Accentuations may or may not lead to social maladaptation, but personality disorders always lead to it. For example, I have to give a lecture in an unfamiliar audience, I’m afraid, I’m worried, but I still go and read, I don’t faint in the middle of the lecture. And with social maladjustment, this fear of “what they will say” controls me, the person changes his behavior. For example, he simply doesn’t go to a lecture.

- Gets sick.

- Yes, it could be a psychosomatic disorder, an escape into illness - as soon as I got sick. Because the situation is unbearable every time, it is impossible to cope. Moreover, I really got sick, when we talk about psychosomatics, these are not always invented diseases. Flight into illness refers precisely to real physical illness. Most often mild - for example, blood pressure, low-grade fever.

– One gets the impression that it is generally difficult for a person to cope with all this, so what should one do about going to a psychotherapist?

– I would not like to become a preacher of psychotherapy as the only salvation from all troubles. The experience of meeting love is the main candidate for the answer. If a person has a good, healthy spiritual life, in which there is a real, living relationship with God, then a lot can change. Moreover, both psychological and spiritual mechanisms will work there. Psychological in the sense that a relationship with God requires very powerful honesty both with yourself and with God: in a relationship with Him, you meet yourself with utmost honesty. And this is a psychologically very important way of healing.

If I meet my authentic self, I will know who the real me is. If I do this in the face of God, then I do not fall into the extremes of low or high self-esteem. I am not horrified by what a terrible dark spot I have on my conscience, because this is done before the gaze of His love. And I don’t fall into delusions of grandeur, because I’m small before Him.

And this is a truly spiritual life - not just the fulfillment of traditions or external rules, but a relationship of encounter with love.

– A person read our interview and realized that there was a problem—is this the first step?

- Yes, sure. If I don't see a problem, then I can't do anything. I can’t bring this problem to God, I can’t work on myself, discuss it with friends, look for ways out - I can’t do anything, because I don’t see it. This is the topic of repression or defense, when a person, for one reason or another, does not see the problem. As they say: a correctly posed question is already half the answer.

Awareness of my motives, what really drives me, what is really important to me, what I feel now - all this is a movement towards greater awareness. If I encounter the truth about myself, then I can bring it to God. In the meantime, I don’t see anything, what will I bring to Him? You can, of course, pray: heal the wounds that I myself am not aware of. But this is such a subtle spiritual reality, and what will happen is not for me to judge. If we think from a psychological perspective, then when I see and become aware of myself, then I ask and pray differently.

Sometimes you need to meet the bottom before you can push off from it. While the alcoholic is not at rock bottom, he has no motivation to quit drinking. Until I realized that I feel very bad, I can’t live like this anymore, and if we’re talking about vanity, I can’t chase fame anymore, losing myself, until I face this pain, I won’t pray to God, I won’t want to change.

And when in general everything is clean and tidy for me: well, yes, vanity is a sin, I need to repent, Lord, help me get rid of vanity - it’s not clear, do I really want to get rid of it? When I have an acute toothache, I can no longer think about anything, but my vanity doesn’t hurt, I feel fine with it, even very pleased.

I know from myself that I often say some words according to the prayer book, they are all correct, but they are not “called out from the depths”, they are outwardly pronounced. And for this to become a genuine inner impulse, including a prayerful one, there needs to be a meeting with this pain, when I can no longer live like this. Save me, save the drowning man! A cry that cannot go unheard.

Vanity is the desire for vain, that is, vain, empty glory. Why empty, vain? After all, people sometimes strive for a really very high position in society; their ambitions are limitless.

The word “vain” also means “perishable, fleeting.” Any earthly glory, in comparison with what the Lord has prepared for those who love Him, is only dust and ashes, steam rising from the ground and immediately disappearing. But earthly glory is futile not only on the scale of eternity. Even in the short period of our earthly life, fame, high position, position, fame are the most unreliable and short-lived things. But, nevertheless, many people strive for fame, honor and respect. And some make an idol out of it, turning vanity into an end in itself. But not only those who are completely obsessed with this passion suffer from vanity. Unfortunately, vanity is inherent in all of us to varying degrees. Everyone wants to look better in their own eyes, and most importantly, in the eyes of others, better than they really are. Any of us is pleased when he is praised, appreciated, and not scolded. Almost everyone strives to occupy a significant position in the society in which they move. But this is not what the Lord teaches us.

One day the mother of the sons of Zebedee and her sons came to Christ, bowing and asking Him for something. He said to her: “What do you want?” She says to Him: “Tell that these two sons of mine may sit with You, one on Your right hand and the other on Your left in Your Kingdom.” Jesus answered, “You do not know what you are asking. Can you drink the cup that I will drink, or be baptized with the baptism with which I am baptized?” They tell Him: “We can.” And he says to them: “You will drink My cup, and you will be baptized with the baptism with which I am baptized, but to let you sit on My right side and on My left does not depend on Me, but on whom My Father has prepared.” Hearing this, the other ten disciples were indignant at the two brothers. Jesus, calling them, said: “You know that the princes of the nations rule over them, and the nobles rule over them; but let it not be like this between you: who wants to be between you? O the greatest may be your servant; and whoever wants to be first among you must be your slave; for the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve and to give His life as a ransom for many.” (Matt. 20:20–28).

Neither this woman nor the apostles knew yet what the Lord must endure in earthly life. They, like all the Jews of that time, imagined the Messiah as an earthly king who would free them from the hated Roman rule and restore the kingdom of Israel, where he would give the Jews power and privileges.

Vanity, hidden and obvious

Vanity can be a passion, the meaning of life, or it can be small, everyday, but this does not mean that it is not dangerous, because a mighty tree grows from a small seed, and a big river “begins from a blue stream.”

Often in confession one can observe such a picture. A man comes who has been going to church his entire adult life and begins to seem to confess, but apparently not: “Yes, I, of course, am a sinner (like everyone else) in this, that, and that. In word, deed and thought, but this is all by pure chance, by misunderstanding, but in general I am an exemplary Christian, I go to church, read the Gospel, do good deeds.” Moreover, such a person naturally knows that passage from the Gospel of Luke, which is read in church on the Sunday of the Publican and the Pharisee, before Great Lent. The Pharisee says about himself: “God! I thank You that I am not like other people, robbers, offenders, adulterers, or like this publican: I fast twice a week, I give a tenth of everything I get” (Luke 18: 11-12), but to He, of course, does not attribute these gospel words to himself. Or a similar situation: an elderly woman in confession names a sin, for example: “I’m irritated, angry,” and then describes in all the details how and who pushed her to this sin: “Well, how can you not sin here, again the son-in-law came drunk, I couldn’t take out the trash, so we had a fight. But I’m good, and anyway it’s not me, but he angered me.” Such a confession, of course, will not bring any benefit. Because it is built on vanity. A person is afraid, even at the lectern, in front of the priest, to appear even a little worse than he thinks to himself. But before God we will not appear purer than we are!

In such situations, everything is clear even to young priests: a person is in captivity of petty vanity, afraid of damaging his name (or, as it is now fashionable to say, image) of a pious Christian or a zealous parishioner: God forbid he says something unnecessary that could be thrown at him shadow and change your opinion about him.

Saint Ignatius (Brianchaninov) says that one of the manifestations of vanity is “shame to confess one’s sins, hiding them before people and the spiritual father. Cunning, self-justification."

Why did the holy fathers, ascetics, who seemingly conquered all passions, see their sins as countless as the sand of the sea? Precisely because they overcame vanity and acquired humility. There was no need for them to appear in their own eyes and in the eyes of other people less sinful than they were. Approaching God, they saw themselves as insignificant before the greatness of the Creator. Remember how: who will he consider himself to be when he approaches the emperor of the Byzantine Empire? And he answered: “Almost a poor man.” The closer a person is to God, the more objectively he evaluates himself.

Let us move from hidden, secret vanity to open vanity. Vanity is a very powerful motivator that helps people achieve great success. Let's look at the so-called “stars”, famous people whose activities are related to art, show business or sports. These people almost always serve the idol of vanity. They place the best years of their life, health, family happiness, and motherhood on the altar of this deity. Everything that is usually of great value to a person is sacrificed to vanity. All for the sake of one thing: to stay a little longer on the crest of glory, to bask in its rays. A famous opera singer, who recently divorced his wife, was asked what was higher for him: family or career, success; he confidently replied that he would even sacrifice his family for the sake of growth in his profession. Singing and music are the most important things in life for him. The Monk Ambrose of Optina said correctly: “Where there is a voice, there is a demon.” The devil of vanity.

What about professional sports? This is sheer vanity. Childhood, youth, health, all free time is given over to hanging a gold-plated or silver-plated circle made of a far from precious metal on the chest. Superhuman efforts are being made, the body is working for wear and tear. I had to communicate with professional athletes, almost every night is torture for them, their whole body, all old injuries and fractures begin to hurt. There is even a joke: “If an athlete doesn’t have any pain in the morning, it means he’s already dead.” And how much intrigue, envy and crime there are around show business, sports and politics!

If a person is already rooted in the passion of vanity, he cannot live without fame, life loses all meaning. Aging “stars” take advantage of any scandal, even directing and creating it themselves, in order to stay at the top of the star Olympus for at least a couple more years. Although, it would seem, everything that was possible has already been achieved, all awards, titles, regalia, and wealth have been received. Vanity is a drug, without it their life is impossible. Vanity goes hand in hand with envy. The vain person does not tolerate competition or rivalry. He is always the first and only. And if someone is ahead of him in something, black envy begins to gnaw at him.

It is very difficult to communicate with a person who is vain, narcissistic, and prone to boasting. After all, the word communication means that we have something with the interlocutor general, and the vain person is only interested in his own person. His “ego”, self-esteem is above all. The pronoun “I” and its case forms “at me”, “to me” occupy the first place in his speech. All this, at best, causes smiles from others, and at worst – irritation, envy and alienation. On the contrary, a modest person treats himself with self-irony, is always a pleasant conversationalist, he has many friends, it is pleasant to communicate with him. In conversation, he listens more than he speaks, avoids verbosity and never sticks out his “I”. A vain person infected with “star fever” risks being left alone, because he loves only himself and his vanity.

Vanity can have not only rough, direct forms, but also dress itself in humble, even monastic, clothes. Paradoxically, a vain person can even perform ascetic deeds and be proud of his “humility.” Fueled by vanity and the enemy of the human race, such a would-be monk can be very successful in his “exploits,” but the Lord will certainly humble him. Two brothers lived in Constantinople, laymen; they were very pious and fasted a lot. One of them went to a monastery and became a monk. He was visited by his brother who remained in the world. Then he saw that the monk was eating at lunchtime, and, tempted, said to him: “Brother, in the world you did not eat food until sunset!” The monk answered him: “It’s true! But in the world I was fed through my ears: empty human words and praise fed me a lot and eased the labors of asceticism.”

When we are undertaking any good deed, we need to be especially on guard so as not to be captivated by vanity. After all, very often, when we help people, deep down in our souls we are driven by pride and vanity, and, having seemingly accomplished a good deed, we can spoil all the work by expecting vain praise. He who works for the sake of vanity and praise already receives a reward here, which means he will not receive it from the hands of the Creator. Sometimes we can observe how easily and quickly things go if we are driven by vanity, and, conversely, with what difficulty and what temptations a truly good deed, started without a secret desire to receive praise and self-satisfaction, sometimes progresses. If we have succeeded in anything, we need to more often remember the words of the prophet David: “Not to us, Lord, not to us, but to Your name give glory” (Ps. 113:9). And it is especially useful if we are not only not rewarded for our work, but, on the contrary, are even reviled. St. Isaac the Syrian says: “Drink reproach as the water of life.” This is the kind of thing that will truly benefit the soul. And “God gives thanks for the ungrateful,” as one of my good friends, now deceased, said.

One holy father said that reward comes not from virtue, not from work for it, but from the humility that is born from this.

Saint Theophan the Recluse calls vanity a “household thief”; it creeps up unnoticed and steals from us the work that we have undertaken for the sake of God and our neighbor, and the reward for it. The same thing happens when, out of boasting, we begin to tell other people about our good deeds, robbing ourselves of the opportunity to receive a reward from the Lord for them. Vanity can also steal prayerful works if they are performed without humility.

Fighting passion

How can we fight this cunning serpent, which gradually creeps into the soul and steals our works, reducing them to nothing?

As has already been said many times, by contrasting it with the opposite virtue - humility. For example, it is known that pride and resentment are a product of vanity. A person who does not tolerate criticism, is easily vulnerable, instantly takes offense and seems to say to himself: “How dare they? After all, I’m not like that, I’m good! How can they say that?” And although it will be unpleasant for us to hear this, most likely our offenders and critics are right. Well, maybe not 100%. After all, it’s clearer from the outside. We always imagine ourselves better than we really are, we forgive ourselves a lot that we would not tolerate in others. So there is something to think about. A touchy critic is despondent, but for an intelligent person it is a stimulus for growth. Criticism generally invigorates and does not allow you to rest on your laurels, it forces you to correct. We must not only not be offended, but bow at the feet of the offenders as our educators, who at the right time “punch us in the nose” and clip the wings of our vanity.

Resentment, like anger, must be extinguished when it is still a small ember, a spark, before the flame of resentment flares up. If you don't add logs to the fire, it will go out. If you don’t “salt” the grievance, don’t cherish it, but try to forget it as soon as possible (or simply change your attitude towards criticism, that is, take it into account), the grievance will quickly pass.

Spiritual people, ascetics, not only are not afraid of reproach, but also joyfully accept it, as if they were asking for it, thereby hiding their exploits.

From Saint Theophan we also find advice on how to overcome vanity through humility. He writes to one woman: “It’s good not to sit down in church. And when vanity comes, sit down on purpose so that you can tell your thoughts when you start to feel vanity: after all, you sat down yourself. One father, when the thought of vanity came that he was fasting a lot, went out early to where there were a lot of people, sat down and began to eat bread.”

So, let's remember that vanity begins with little things: someone boasted of a good deed, somewhere they joyfully accepted praise and flattery. And there it is not far before passion settles in our soul. To prevent this from happening, let us monitor vanity at the very beginning, treat ourselves critically and often say: “Not to us, Lord, not to us, but to Your name.”

The passion of vanity is resisted and overcomes by the virtue of humility, say the holy fathers.

In order to resist the passion of vanity, one must realize the deep mental and physical weakness of a person whose nature is upset by original sin, and therefore one’s own weakness. Following the Word of God:

“Without Me you can do nothing” (John 15:4-5),

The Holy Fathers instruct that we cannot do anything good on our own, but only with the help of God, and therefore we must give all the glory to the one God, thank Him for everything good, and reproach ourselves for the faults and imperfections of our deeds, even if we do according to our We cannot see our sins because of our weaknesses. We also need self-reproach in any unpleasant case: we must learn to blame ourselves for everything, not others.

The Holy Fathers say that the passion of vanity “is driven out by intense prayer and voluntary renunciation of doing or saying anything to [acquire] accursed glory” (Evagrius the monk), sobriety, fear of God, remembering one’s sins and reproaching oneself for them, thoughts about the perfection of the Lord's commandments, the memory of death and the Last Judgment.

This is how the virtue of humility is cultivated in the soul, purifying the mental vision.

The vain person sees the world as if in reverse perspective. He thinks that what is actually insignificant is important. And by humbling himself, striving for what is above and despising the worldly, temporary, transitory, a person learns to see things in the true light, in the light of God’s truth. Then he can see the futility and insignificance of worldly glory, the temporary - small and unworthy of attention, and the great and eternal - truly great.

St. John Chrysostom writes about this true perspective:

“How can we overcome vanity? Let us contrast glory with glory. Just as we despise earthly wealth when we look at heavenly wealth, and do not value real life when we think about a much better life, in the same way we can despise the glory of the present world when we think about a much higher glory, about true glory.

Why can’t you overcome vanity when others overcome it, having the same soul, the same body, the same appearance, living the same life? Think about God, think about the highest glory, contrast it with the present - and you will soon leave behind vanity. If you absolutely desire glory, then seek true glory. Is glory the kind that makes you seek honor from those below you and has a need for it? Honor consists in enjoying glory from those above. If you absolutely desire glory, then seek better glory from God. Having loved this one, you will neglect that one, you will see how dishonest she is, and until you recognize this one, you will not see how shameful she is, how ridiculous she is. And while this passion possesses us, we cannot see what this evil is."

Rev. John Climacus:

“If we diligently want to please the Heavenly King, then, without a doubt, we will taste the glory of heaven; and the one who tastes it will despise all earthly glory; and I would be surprised if someone, without tasting the first, could despise the last.

Some, in order to obtain extreme dispassion and a wealth of talents, the power of miracles and the gift of clairvoyance, exhaust their bodies in vain, but these poor people do not know that it is not labor, but most of all humility, that is the mother of these blessings. Whoever asks God for his talents for his labors has laid a dangerous foundation; and whoever considers himself a debtor will suddenly and unexpectedly become rich.

Do not obey this leader when he teaches you to proclaim your virtues for the benefit of those who hear: “What good is it for a man if he uses the whole world but loses his own soul” (Matthew 16:26)? Nothing brings so much benefit to others as a humble and unfeigned character and word. In this way, we will also encourage others so that they do not ascend, and what could be more useful than this?

There is glory from the Lord, for the Scripture says: “... those who glorify Me I will glorify...” (1 Sam. 2:30); and there is glory that comes from the devil’s deceit, for it is said: “Woe if all men speak good things to you” (Luke 6:26). You will clearly recognize the first when you look at fame as harmful to you, when you turn away from it in every possible way and, wherever you go, you will hide your residence. The second one you can recognize when you do even the smallest thing so that people can see you.

The beginning to the destruction of vanity is guarding the lips and loving dishonor; the middle is cutting off all conceivable tricks of vanity; and the end (if there is an end in this abyss) is to try to do in front of people what humiliates us, and not feel any sorrow at it.

Do not hide your mistakes with this thought, so as not to give your neighbor a reason to stumble; although, perhaps, it will not be useful in every case to use this plaster, depending on the nature of the sins.

When we strive for glory, or when it comes to us from others without seeking on our part, or when we attempt to use certain tricks that serve vanity, then let us remember our cry and think about the holy fear and trembling with which we stood before God in our solitary life. prayer; and thus, without a doubt, we will disgrace shameless vanity, if, however, we strive for true prayer. If we do not have this in us, then let us hasten to remember our outcome. If we do not have this thought, then at least we will be afraid of the shame that follows vanity, because he who is exalted will certainly humble himself (Luke 14:11) even here, before the age to come.

When our praisers, or, better said, seducers, begin to praise us, then let us hasten to remember our many iniquities and see that we are truly unworthy of what they say or do in our honor.”

St. rights John of Kronstadt instructs:

Remember, man, that you are a moral and physical nonentity; moral - because you are all sin, passion, weakness, and physical - because your body is earthly dust; - so that through this they can vividly and tangibly show their humility before God, as the ancient people, and even today some, visually depicted this, sprinkling ashes on their heads, taking off their light clothes, which feed vanity and vanity in the immortal human spirit. So, man, the smallest good in you is from God, like the smallest trickle of air that is in you or that you exhale from the air around you.

Rev. Barsanuphius and John teach to humble the thoughts of vanity and arrogance:

Question 407: Also, when I do something good, how should I humble my thoughts? And how can you reproach yourself after doing something good?

Answer. For humility of thought, when you have done all the good deeds and kept all the commandments, remember the One who said: “When you have done everything commanded you, say: we are worthless servants, because we did what we had to do” (Luke 17:10) , especially when we have not yet achieved even one commandment. This is how one should always think and reproach oneself when doing a good deed, and say to oneself: I don’t know whether it pleases God. It is a great thing to do according to the will of God, and to fulfill the will of God is even greater: this is the totality of all the commandments; for to do something according to the will of God is a private matter and less than fulfilling the will of God. That is why the Apostle said: “forgetting what is behind and reaching forward to what is ahead” (Phil. 3:13). And no matter how much he stretched forward, he did not stop, but always saw himself as insufficient and succeeded; for he (the Apostle) said: “Whoever is perfect among you should think this way” (Phil. 3:15), that is, in order to prosper. He also said that if you think anything else, the Lord will reveal it to you.

Question 408, same. When I fulfill a commandment, how can I avoid arrogance, so as to know that, although I have done good, I am alien to it?

Answer. Brother! We must both recognize good deeds as good and resort to them as good, for good should not be considered evil. But if someone does good without the goal of pleasing God, this good turns out to be evil, according to the intention of the doer. Everyone must try to always do good, and subsequently, by the grace of God, it is given to him that his deeds will be accomplished out of the fear of God. So, when something good is done through you, thank the Giver of good things as the Author of that good, but reproach yourself, saying: if I had done this well, I could have been a participant in this good - and then you will be able to pray to God with tenderness for that, so that He will grant you to be a participant in the good deed accomplished through you.

Question 409, of the same thing. If I happen to show long-suffering in any matter, then my thoughts become wise; What should I think?

Answer. And before this, I already told you that when you happen to do something good, you should know that this is a gift from God, given to you by the goodness of God, for God has mercy on everyone. Pay attention to yourself, so that through your weakness you do not destroy the mercy He shows to you, which extends to all sinners. Do not lose what the Lord has given you for good in evil; This gift is lost when you praise yourself for having endured for a long time and forget God, who has blessed you. On top of this, you will bring condemnation upon yourself as soon as you dare to attribute to yourself that for which you should send thanks to the Lover of Mankind. The apostle says: “What do you have that you did not receive? And if you received it, why do you boast as if you didn’t receive it?” (1 Cor. 4:7). To the thought that praises you for something, say: those who swim in the sea and during the silence do not forget that they are still in the abyss, but always expect storms, dangers and drowning; the silence that occurs for a short time does not bring them complete benefit, because they consider themselves safe only when they arrive at the pier. It also happened to many that even at the very entrance to the pier their ship sank. Likewise, a sinner, while he remains in this world, must always fear drowning. So, never be tempted to believe a thought that praises you for a good deed. Everything good is God’s, and due to our negligence we cannot ensure that it will remain with us. How can we dare to be arrogant after this?

Question 776. When I do something unjust and then correct myself, my thought becomes arrogant, convincing me that I have done something good; What should I tell him in this case?

Answer. Tell him: he who acts unjustly is punished, and whoever corrects his injustice escapes punishment and deserves praise: it is another to do good, and another to act unjustly. One pleases God and prepares us eternal peace, while the other angers Him and prepares eternal torment. This is the very thing that David says: “Turn away from evil and do good” (Ps. 33:15). But without God we cannot do anything good, for He said: “Without Me you can do nothing” (John 15:5); and the Apostle says: “What have you that you have not received? And if you received it, why do you boast as if you didn’t receive it?” (1 Cor. 4:7). And therefore, when we cannot be arrogant in doing good, much less in keeping away from evil. It is great madness to take credit for the fact that we do not sin. Take heed to yourself, brother, so that you are not deceived by evil demons, whom may the Lord abolish through the prayers of His saints. Amen.

St. Ignatius (Brianchaninov):

Let us avoid vanity and pride as a renunciation of the Cross of Christ.

Venerable Anthony the Great:

Do not imitate the Pharisee, who did everything for show.

Don't wear clothes that make you vanity.

Evagrius the monk:

“This demon is driven out by intense prayer and voluntary refusal to do or say anything to [acquire] the damned glory.

No one can overcome these passions unless he neglects food, wealth and [worldly] fame, and also unless he neglects the body, for demons often try to strike [their] blows on it. It is necessary to imitate those who, exposed to danger at sea from strong winds and rising waves, throw [extra] things overboard. However, when doing this, you should be careful not to be in front of people, because otherwise you can suffer a more terrible shipwreck than before, falling into the headwind of vanity. Therefore, our Lord, cultivating the mind of [our] helmsman, says: “See that you do not do your alms before people so that they see you: otherwise you will have no reward from your Heavenly Father” (Matthew 6:1). Also: “When you pray, do not be like the hypocrites; And again: “When you fast, do not be sad like the hypocrites: for they put on gloomy faces in order to appear to people as fasting. Truly I tell you that they are already receiving their reward” (Matthew 6:16).”

Rev. John Cassian the Roman:

“Therefore, he who wishes to walk in the royal way must walk with the weapon of righteousness in his right and in his left hand, in honor and dishonor, in reproach and praise (2 Cor. 6, 7, 8), and with such caution amid the rising waves of temptations, under the control of prudence and under the influence of the Spirit of God, to guide the path of virtue, so as to know that if you deviate a little to the right or left side, you will immediately break on the underwater, disastrous rocks. Therefore, the wise Solomon exhorts: do not turn aside to the right or to the left (Proverbs 4:27), i.e. do not be vainglorious in virtues, do not exalt yourself with happy successes in the spiritual, do not deviate onto the left path of vices, according to the Apostle, do not seek glory for yourself in your shame (Phil. 3:19). For in whom the devil could not generate vanity with the sight of well-tailored, neat clothes, he tries to tempt him with dirty, poorly made, wretched clothes. Whom he could not overthrow with honor, he will be crushed with humility; whoever could not be forced to exalt himself with knowledge and eloquence is deceived by the importance of silence. If anyone openly fasts, he will be tempted by vain glory. If, in order to avoid fame, one hides it (fasting), one is subject to the same vice of exaltation. In order not to stain himself with the infection of vain glory, he avoids performing lengthy prayers in front of his brothers; and when he begins to secretly practice them, without having a witness to this matter, he also does not avoid the arrows of vanity.

Remedies against vanity.

So, the ascetic of Christ, who wants to legitimately strive for a true, spiritual feat, must try with all his might to defeat this diverse, varied beast. We can avoid this, the many-sided evil that confronts us on all sides, if we reflect on the words of David: “God will scatter the bones of people-pleasers” (Ps. 52:6). Firstly, let us not allow ourselves to do anything with a vain intention, in order to obtain vain glory. Secondly, what we have done well at first, we must try to protect with due attention, so that the creeping passion of vanity does not subsequently abolish all the fruits of our efforts. Also, in order not to pay tribute to vanity, we must with all diligence avoid what is not done in the society of brothers or is not of common use, and avoid what can distinguish us from others and cause people to praise us for the fact that we are alone. we do. For these signs will indicate that the deadly infection of vanity has clung to us. We can easily avoid this by thinking that we will not only destroy the fruit of our labors if we do anything with a vain intention, but also, having become guilty of a great crime, like blasphemers, we will be subjected to eternal torment; since we wanted to do the work intended for God better for people, then the one who knows all the secrets will expose us that we preferred people to God and the glory of the world to the glory of the Lord.”

Rev. Neil Sorsky gives advice on how to deal with thoughts of vanity:

We need a lot of sobriety against the spirit of vanity, because very secretly, with all his tricks, he robs our intention, leaves the monk without success and tries to pervert our work, not for the sake of God, but out of vanity and man-pleasing. Therefore, at all times it is appropriate for us to carefully examine ourselves, [our] feelings and thoughts, so that our work is for the sake of God and for the sake of spiritual benefit, and to avoid human [praise] in everything, always having before the eyes of [the mind] what was said by Saint David: “The Lord scattered the bones of people-pleasers” (Ps. 52:6) - and so always sweep away thoughts that praise and, out of pleasing people, do something compelling; and with all our souls let us affirm the thought of doing everything for the sake of God. If someone, having a firm intention for God, is overcome by weakness, involuntarily by a [vain-glorious] thought, but confesses, praying to the Lord, and turns away from thoughts of vanity, then he is immediately forgiven and boasts of Him who knows our intentions and hearts. Let us do this: if, out of vanity, we begin to think about something, then we will remember [our own] crying and fear-filled anticipation of our solitary prayer, if we have them, but if not, then we will perceive the thought of our outcome - and we will certainly reflect shameless vanity. If this does not [work out], then at least we will be afraid of the shame that follows vanity. For “he who ascends” will certainly “humble himself” here, before the next [age], (Luke 14:11) - this is what John Climacus says. If someone ever begins to praise us, or if an excuse for a vain thought is brought to our mind by invisible enemies, representing us as worthy of honor, majesty, and high thrones, as greater than others, then immediately the multitude and severity of our sins in in our minds we will remember or one of the worst things. And holding him back, say: “Are those who do such things worthy of these praises?” And we will immediately find ourselves unworthy of those human praises, and demonic thoughts will run away and will no longer confuse us with their power, says Nikita Stifat. If, he said, you do not have any evil deeds, then think about the perfection of the commandments - and you will find yourself [as] insufficient as the font is small [in comparison with] the size of the sea.

Rev. Macarius of Optina:

“You write that you are carried away by praise and self-praise, and you ask: how can I resist this? It seems that it is best to resist with humility; do not attribute anything to yourself, but to God, for He said: “Without Me you can do nothing” (John 15:5). What's yours? you are all God's creation; and the gift that you have is His; and ours is only sinfulness, which should humble us.

Vanity was also woven into your zeal, and you yourself know quite well how to avoid it; drive out this serpent from your hearts by self-reproach and avoid anything that can give him food; and whatever good you do, it is not yours, but God’s help and His property; you are only a tool, and the weakest one at that.

You write about your highly intelligent thoughts, that in every correction your thoughts praise you: this is very dangerous and is the beginning of delusion. If every correction were followed by humility, it would be good. Remember your sins more and consider yourself less than everyone else; then the grace of God will justify you. Where are your corrections when you cannot stand any insults? And how can you stop eating dairy? This means adding oil to the fire, and there will be food for your vanity. Consume dairy with moderation, for the glory of God, and you will not be harmed in the least. And you are sick not from milk, but from impatience and lack of humility.

I only consider it necessary to remind you that everything good that you do should be imbued with humility: whether prayer, fasting, almsgiving, forgiveness of others, etc., do all this for the glory of God and with humility. I offer this to you because I know that the hater of goodness, the devil, when he does not have time to turn us away from some good deed, he tries to darken it with arrogance and vanity.

What is done with good intention cannot harm; You just need to watch that ivy does not take hold of good plants, which can dry up their fruit - I mean ivy - vanity, which was approaching you; but for this you need to have courage of mind and see your own thinness; and even the falls will be involuntarily subdued.

As far as I can see, you are driven by vanity, you want people not to notice your weakness, but you want to appear in good order; self-reproach and humility are not visible in you, for which you are not even trying.

You write that vanity fought you for your supposed prudence, but when you remembered the impurity of the high-hearted, it went away; so it is necessary and always to purge this root of evil from the heart; He defiles all the plants of good deeds and makes them obscene. The holy fathers have a lot of instructions and teachings about this.

Lured by vanity, turn your thoughts to your fault. But what is there to be vain about when you are offering someone else’s teaching, not your own? and what God sends into the mind for the benefit of those who ask, according to their faith.

You explain your grief about what you got for your actions towards the world, and ask me to explain this to you, why does this happen? For in your very action your feeling is moved by love and fear. Let us assume that it is so, and let it not be defiled by arrogance and vanity, praise (which, however, later, it is true, the secret of your heart did not escape), but it must be cleansed by the fire of temptations and sorrows, and only then will it be pure love, when you lay down your soul for your neighbor; When you did it, you had time, but you didn’t put in your soul, you didn’t bear the labor and sorrow, but then she appeared, and you turned away into a murmur. What a rude and unenlightened people! You should be praised for this good deed, but they reproach you, and you were clearly looking for praise and reward for your good deed when you did not suffer reproach. Maybe you don’t see this in yourself, but look into the abyss of your heart, you will find a vain serpent nesting there, as if, under the guise of virtue, it brings secret pleasure and praises you that you have done good, for you see love and compassion in yourself, you see virtue, but there is no humility, which our Lord Himself teaches: “Even if you do all that is commanded, say, as we are unworthy servants: for whatever we ought to do, we have done” (Luke 17:10). And when I am an inexcusable slave, shouldn’t I endure everything and be sure that reproaches and annoyance could not be other than God’s watch for my correction, like an inexcusable slave; but we have only our righteousness, and I grow higher and higher, but it does not give me peace; Now consider yourself and the actions of God’s Providence over you to heal you.”

Schema-abbot Ioann (Alekseev):

“This...monastery was near the Nile River... Here’s another thing: in the same country and at the same times, two brothers lived in the same monastery, one was 12 years old, the other was 15 years old. The abbot sent them to bring food to the hermit. They carried it and on the way back they met a poisonous snake. The younger brother took the snake, wrapped it in a robe, and brought it to the monastery, of course, not without vanity. The monks surrounded the youths, were surprised and praised them for their holiness. The abbot was spiritually alive and sensible; He punished the youths with rods and said: “You have attributed God’s miracle to yourself; a weak conscience is better than virtue with vanity.” For he knew that miracles harm the saints.

Yes, we should not trust ourselves until we lie in the grave, and to persevere in virtue depends not on us, but on the grace of God. And the Lord protects for humility; The extent to which a person humbles himself, the extent to which he succeeds in spiritual life. Our work must be based on autocracy, and success depends on grace; So we must pray and ask the Lord for help. In spiritual life, the main feat is prayer.”

Elder Paisiy Svyatogorets:

Geronda, how to drive away vanity thoughts?

Rejoice in things that are opposite to those that worldly people strive for. Only by having aspirations opposite to the worldly can one act in the realm of the spirit. If you want to be loved, be happy when they don’t pay attention to you. If you want a place of honor, sit on the bench. If you seek praise, love humiliation in order to feel the love of the humble Jesus. If you seek glory, strive for dishonor in order to experience the glory of God. And when you feel the glory of God, then you will feel happy and you will have within yourself a joy greater than the joys of the whole world.

Geronda, my thought tells me that if I change my obedience, leave the choir and stop painting icons, then I will stop constantly being proud and falling into temptation.

Even if you stop singing and painting icons, if you don’t hate vanity, you will make even more mistakes. And in your departure there will also be pride, even more pride, because in fact you want to give up your obediences so that your egoism is not infringed

Geronda, isn’t it better to do nothing at all than to do something and be proud at the same time?

If you are told to do something, then go and do it, but be careful not to stumble or fall. And if you stumble and fall, get up. Realize that you stumbled through inattention, and if you are told to do it again, do it, but be careful not to stumble again. If you fell once, it doesn’t mean you don’t have to do it next time! Now, if they tell you: “Don’t go, because you fell last time,” then don’t go. Understood? When you are told to do something, do it, but do it correctly and with humility. Doing nothing so as not to become proud is even worse. It’s like watching the battle from the outside, not fighting so as not to get injured. We need to fight, but we need to fight correctly.”

Priest Pavel Gumerov:

“How can we fight this cunning serpent, which gradually creeps into the soul and steals our works, reducing them to nothing?

As has already been said many times, by contrasting it with the opposite virtue - humility. For example, it is known that pride and resentment are a product of vanity. A person who cannot tolerate criticism, is easily wounded, instantly takes offense and seems to say to himself: “How dare they? After all, I’m not like that, I’m good! How can they say that?” And although it will be unpleasant for us to hear this, most likely our offenders and critics are right. Well, maybe not 100%. After all, it’s clearer from the outside. We always imagine ourselves better than we really are, we forgive ourselves a lot that we would not tolerate in others. So there is something to think about. A touchy critic is despondent, but for an intelligent person it is a stimulus for growth. Criticism generally invigorates and does not allow you to rest on your laurels, it forces you to correct. We must not only not be offended, but bow at the feet of the offenders as our educators, who at the right time “punch us in the nose” and clip the wings of our vanity.

Resentment, like anger, must be extinguished when it is still a small ember, a spark, before the flame of resentment flares up. If you don't add logs to the fire, it will go out. If you don’t “salt” the grievance, don’t cherish it, but try to forget it as soon as possible (or simply change your attitude towards criticism, that is, take it into account), the grievance will quickly pass.

Spiritual people, ascetics, not only are not afraid of reproach, but also joyfully accept it, as if they were asking for it, thereby hiding their exploits.

From Saint Theophan we also find advice on how to overcome vanity through humility. He writes to one woman: “It’s good not to sit down in church. And when vanity comes, sit down on purpose so that you can tell your thoughts when you start to feel vanity: after all, you sat down yourself. One father, when the thought of vanity came that he was fasting a lot, went out early to where there were a lot of people, sat down and began to eat bread.”

So, let's remember that vanity begins with little things: someone boasted of a good deed, somewhere they joyfully accepted praise and flattery. And there it is not far before passion settles in our soul. To prevent this from happening, let us monitor vanity at the very beginning, treat ourselves critically and often say: “Not to us, Lord, not to us, but to Your name.”