The world around us is a mirror for every person, reflecting his own inner world. This means that your vision of the world depends on your own feelings, thoughts, beliefs, attitudes, and attitude. Another important component of relationships in society is a person’s self-image, his own assessment of his personality.

The formation of self-esteem is influenced by various factors, among which are upbringing, social environment, and characteristics of professional activity. Oscar Wilde said that self-love means a lifelong romance. And this is true, because an individual feeling of happiness, peace and well-being of a person is possible only with an adequate assessment of oneself as a significant person and acceptance of one’s individuality. To learn how to increase your self-esteem and find specific ways to increase your self-esteem, listen to the advice of a psychologist and try doing exercises aimed at increasing your self-esteem.

How we evaluate ourselves

American psychotherapist K. Rogers, the author of the famous client-centered psychotherapy, believed that the main component of the personality structure is the “Self-concept” - a person’s idea of ​​himself, which is formed in the process of socialization, in other words, in his interaction with society. This process involves the internalization mechanism—the acceptance of other people’s assessments of one’s personality as one’s own—as well as the identification mechanism—the ability to put oneself in the place of another person and thus evaluate one’s personality.

Each person at birth has a personal phenomenal field - an empty space of life experience. In the process of individual development, this field is filled, the person’s personal “I” begins to appear, and his “I-concept” is formed. Rogers believed that the final point of personal development is self-actualization - the realization of all potential possibilities.

Self-esteem is a central component of the “I-concept”, because it is a person’s rational assessment of himself, his capabilities and qualities that provides a real opportunity to achieve his goals. Self-esteem performs a protective and regulatory function, influences relationships with other people, behavior and human development. Self-criticism and demands on oneself depend on it. Self-esteem is the basis of a person’s attitude towards his successes and failures, the choice of goals of a certain level of complexity, which characterizes the level of a person’s aspirations.

We can distinguish specific types of self-esteem, based on its individual characteristics:

• Reality: adequate and inadequate self-esteem (low or high). Adequate self-esteem allows a person to be critical of himself and correctly assess his strengths and capabilities. Inadequate self-esteem manifests itself in overestimating or underestimating one’s strengths and capabilities.
• Time: retrospective, current and prognostic. The first characterizes a person’s assessment of his past experience, the second characterizes his current capabilities, and the last characterizes a person’s opinion about his possible successes or failures.
• Level: high, medium and low. The level of self-esteem itself is not so important, because in different situations and areas of activity self-esteem can be both low and high. For example, a person is competent in the field of finance and has a high level of self-esteem in this area, but he does not know how to manage household chores and rates himself rather low in this matter. A high or low level of self-esteem does not play a key role; first of all, it must be adequate.

The famous American psychologist W. James proposed determining the level of self-esteem using the formula:

Self-esteem = Success/Level of aspirations

Level of aspiration- this is the upper limit of a person’s achievements to which he strives. This may include different types of success: career, personal life, social status, material well-being.

Success is a specific accomplished fact, specific achievements from the list of aspirations of an individual.

Obviously, psychology offers two ways to increase self-esteem:

• reduce the level of claims;
• or increase the efficiency and effectiveness of your own actions.

The level of aspirations is influenced by various successes and failures in a person’s life. If the level of aspirations is adequate, a person sets realistically achievable goals. A person with a high adequate level of aspirations is able to set fairly high goals, knowing that he is able to successfully achieve them. A moderate or average level of aspiration means that a person is able to cope well with tasks of an average level of complexity and does not want to increase his results. A low and even low level of aspirations is typical for a person who is not too ambitious and who sets fairly simple goals. This choice is explained either by low self-esteem or by “social cunning.” Psychology explains the latter as a conscious avoidance of complex tasks and responsible decisions.

Self-esteem is formed in childhood, when a person’s capabilities are in a state of development. It is for this reason that an adult’s self-esteem is often underestimated when actual capabilities are much higher than personal ideas about them. Having understood the features of the formation of self-esteem and its types, it becomes obvious that working with this component of personality means precisely raising self-esteem to an adequate level.

Raising self-esteem is not an easy process, but there are no limits to a person’s capabilities. You will be given effective advice from a psychologist on how to raise your self-esteem, among which you will also find effective exercises.

Tip #1. You shouldn't compare yourself to other people. There will always be people around you who will be worse or better than you in various aspects. Constant comparison will simply lead you into a blind corner, where over time you can not only develop low self-esteem, but also completely lose self-confidence. Remember, you are a unique individual, find your strengths and weaknesses and learn to use them depending on the situation.

Exercises: Write a list of your goals and the positive qualities that will help you achieve those goals. Also create a list of qualities that are a barrier to achieving your goals. This way you will understand that your failures are a consequence of your actions, and your personality has nothing to do with it.

Tip #2. Stop looking for flaws in yourself and scolding yourself. All great people have achieved heights in their field by learning from their own mistakes. The main principle is that a mistake forces you to choose a new strategy of action, increase efficiency, and not give up.

Exercises: Take a piece of paper, colored pencils and draw yourself the way you want to see yourself, with all the attributes of success. You can also come up with and depict a personal symbol of success. Drawing will help you better express your desires and increase your confidence.

Tip #3. Always accept other people's compliments with gratitude. Instead of “no need”, answer “thank you.” With this response, human psychology accepts this assessment of one’s personality, and it becomes its integral attribute.

Exercises: try using special statements (affirmations). Several times during the course of the day (at the beginning of the day, it is necessary) clearly and thoughtfully pronounce the phrases “I am a unique, unique person,” “I can achieve this goal,” “I have all the necessary qualities.”

Tip #4. Change your social circle. Our social environment has a key influence on lowering or increasing self-esteem. Positive people who are able to give constructive criticism, adequately assess your abilities and increase your confidence should become your constant companions. Try to constantly expand your social circle and meet new people.

Tip #5. Live according to your own desires. People who constantly do what others ask of them will never learn how to improve their self-esteem. They are used to following other people's goals, living a life that is not their own. Do what you enjoy. Work where you feel respected and where you can realize your abilities. Try to travel more, make your old dreams come true, don’t be afraid to take risks and experiment.

Exercises: Make a list of your desires and make them realistic goals. Write down step by step what you need to do to achieve these goals and start moving in the chosen direction. You can also create a route for your next trip, make it unusual. If you usually go to the sea, then this time go hiking in the mountains. You may not even be aware of your own capabilities because you have never tried to leave your “comfort zone.”

Hello! In this article we will talk about how to increase self-esteem and self-confidence!

Each person is individual. It consists of a large number of advantages and disadvantages. But all people treat themselves differently. It's all about self-esteem. For most people, it is very low, and this becomes the main cause of many problems. Let's look together at what the concept of “self-esteem” means, why it can be low, what this problem can lead to, and how to increase self-confidence.

What is self-esteem? Her levels

There are several definitions for this concept, but the simplest and easiest to understand is the following.

Self-esteem is a person's attitude towards himself. It can be overestimated, normal and underestimated.

Inflated self-esteem people suffer who extol their skills, human qualities, talents, physical capabilities, etc. Most often, these are “narcissists” who do not have outstanding capabilities. They simply cannot adequately evaluate themselves, so they consider themselves better than others.

Adequate self-esteem It occurs among people who realistically assess their strengths and skills. They understand that in addition to their advantages, they also have disadvantages. But they do not focus on failures, but confidently go through life, achieving their goals.

Low self-esteem not uncommon in modern society. People with such self-esteem cannot adequately assess all their abilities and consider themselves worse than others, constantly creating complexes and fears for themselves. These are pessimists who do not believe in their abilities, constantly complain about life and do not know how to overcome self-doubt.

Self-esteem tests

In order to find out what level your self-esteem is, we suggest taking several simple tests.

Self-esteem test No. 1

Try to quickly answer the following questions without thinking. Answer only “Yes” or “No”. Then count the total number of positive and negative answers.

1. Do you often scold yourself for mistakes you have made?
2. Do you gossip with your friends by talking about others?
3. Do you lack clear goals and plans for your life?
4. Do you not go to the gym and neglect physical activity?
5. Do you often worry about trifles?
6. When you find yourself in an unfamiliar company, do you try not to stand out and be invisible?
7. When you meet a person of the opposite sex, do you know how to carry on a conversation?
8. Is criticism towards you causing depression?
9. Do you envy the success of others?
10. Are you hurt by careless words spoken to you?

Test result:

If you answered “Yes” 1 to 3 times, then you have normal self-esteem.

If you answered “Yes” more than 3 times, this indicates that you are a person with low self-esteem.

Self-esteem test No. 2

When answering each question, count the number of points earned. After passing the test, add up all the numbers obtained and compare them with the results.

1. Do you often think and reproach yourself for certain actions or statements?

Often – 1 point;

Sometimes – 3 points .

1. How do you behave when interacting with witty people?

Trying to surpass them in wit - 5 points;

Try to stop communication as quickly as possible – 1 point;

1. Which statement do you prefer?

“Luck is the result of the actions and labors of every person” – 5 points;

“Luck is unpredictable” – 1 point;

“A person should rely only on himself, and not on the gifts of fate” - 3 points.

1. If you were given a cartoon as a gift, what should you do?

You will be delighted with the gift - 3 points;

Be offended – 1 point;

Take this idea and give a friend a similar surprise - 4 points;

1. Are you short of time?

Yes – 1 point;

No – 5 points;

I don’t know – 3 points.

1. When choosing perfumes as a gift you:

1. Have you imagined yourself in the role of another person?

Yes – 1 point;

No – 5 points;

I don’t know – 3 points.

Test results:

If you scored 10-23 points, then you have low self-esteem. You often express dissatisfaction with yourself. You should think about how to improve your self-esteem.

A result of 24-37 points indicates that you are a harmonious person. You know how to praise yourself and treat all your mistakes adequately.

If you scored 38-50 points, this means that you are a confident person, but sometimes you are self-critical.

If, after passing the tests, you want to learn how to love yourself and increase your self-esteem, you need to comprehensively study your psyche.

At first glance, self-esteem is a fairly simple concept that does not imply any difficulties. In fact, self-esteem is the starting point in personality formation. It has a number of functions:

• Protective. A morally stable person who is confident in his strengths and abilities is absolutely not interested in what others think about him. High self-esteem allows you to be stable and independent from the opinions of other people;
• Regulatory. A person with a normal level of self-esteem independently makes personal decisions. He understands that his life depends only on his decisions and actions;
• Developmental. A self-sufficient person is interested in his further development. He thirsts for new knowledge and is constantly improving.

Why low self-esteem needs to be corrected

Perhaps people who have similar problems will not agree that something needs to be changed in life. Of course, it’s easier to sit, do nothing, suffer and blame everyone for the failures in your life.

But people with low self-esteem and self-doubt rarely achieve what they want in life, occupy lower positions, and have a minimum salary. Maybe they dream of earning several times more, of being self-sufficient.

But for this you need to make important decisions, be confident in yourself, have a goal and try to achieve it. An insecure person will never become a leader, and the business he creates is practically doomed to fail.

If you want to become a happy and financially independent person, then you urgently need to correct your psycho-emotional state and learn more about how to love yourself.

Causes of low self-esteem

Our attitude towards ourselves is formed in early childhood. Parents play an important role in this.

If the child is constantly reproached, scolded, told that he is bad, and, for example, Petya is good, then the child feels that he is worse than others. It seems to parents that they are raising their child in this way, but in fact they are crippling his psyche and making him a failure in life.

In addition to parents, the child’s environment leaves its mark on a child’s self-esteem. If a child in kindergarten or school is offended by his peers, he closes down, withdraws into himself and begins to hate everything around him.

Also, the cause of a bad attitude towards oneself can be physical inferiority or developmental defects. For example, if a child wears glasses, he is more likely to be teased by other children. In this case, parents must compensate for this deficiency.

For example, if the child is fat, then you can send him to the wrestling sports section. There he will develop physically, acquire self-defense skills and be able to prove in practice that he is not weak and can stand up for himself.

The formation of self-esteem is influenced by many factors. Also, the reasons for low self-esteem may be:

• Improper upbringing;
• Constant failures at an early age;
• Wrong goal setting;
• Unhealthy environment, etc.

A person who lacks self-confidence is very easy to spot. Psychology experts identify several signs of low self-esteem. Such an individual:

• Constantly criticizes himself and expresses dissatisfaction with himself;
• Listens to the opinions and criticism of others, which is why he suffers greatly;
• There is indecision in actions, fear of doing something wrong and making a mistake;
• Unbridled jealousy;
• Feels envious of other people's achievements and successes;
• Tries to please everyone;
• He is hostile towards all the people around him;
• Does not defend his point of view, constantly takes a defensive position and makes excuses;
• Has a pessimistic attitude and perceives reality negatively.

An individual with low self-esteem is constantly looking for problems, blaming everyone and does not know how to enjoy life. This attitude towards oneself can lead to serious mental illness and prolonged depression.

If you have at least three of the above signs, then you should think about how to believe in yourself.

Signs of high self-esteem

People with high or normal self-esteem are more successful, cheerful and optimistic. A person who adequately evaluates himself has the following characteristics:

• Accepts his external and physical appearance as he really is;
• Confident in yourself and your abilities;
• He is not afraid to make mistakes, and perceives any troubles as an important lesson;
• Reacts adequately to criticism and praise;
• Finds a common language with people. Knows how to behave in society;
• Understands that everyone has their own opinion, respects everyone’s choice, but defends his own point of view;
• Controls your physical and emotional state;
• Constantly improving and developing;
• Achieves set goals.

Without believing in yourself, it is impossible to live a full life, enjoy every day and be a successful person. If you set certain goals for yourself and want to change any aspect of your life, then you will have to change your attitude towards yourself.

It is possible and necessary to raise self-esteem. Your future depends on it. If you still doubt this, then you should know that most suicides are carried out by people with low self-esteem. Therefore, do not be lazy, study all the ways to increase self-esteem and start working on yourself.

Learn to set achievable and realistic goals

People who don't believe in themselves most often set unattainable goals. And they throw up their hands and say: “I knew that nothing would work out for me.” You must try to look at things realistically and set realistic goals for yourself.

For example, you want to become a famous fashion designer, but you don’t know how to sew or draw. In this case, it is necessary to break one big dream into several small ones and gradually implement them. Sign up for cutting and sewing courses, and when you finish them, take a drawing course. With minimal knowledge, it will be easier for you to succeed.

Give up criticism

Stop constantly criticizing yourself and listen less to the criticism of others. Do not ask people for their opinion about your actions, the work you have done, etc. If someone decides to express their opinion about you, it is better to politely ask not to do this.

Try to eradicate your dependence on public opinion.

Stop comparing yourself to others

Each person is individual and unique. Some people write poetry but can’t draw, and artists aren’t good at math. Don’t blame yourself for doing something worse than others and stop constantly comparing yourself.

Realize that you are a unique individual with your own set of talents.

Insecure people do not believe that they can do anything good. Therefore, praise can be perceived as mockery or ridicule. Never say that your work is nothing. When you are praised, do not lower your eyes, hold your gaze and simply say “Thank you.”

Don't make excuses

Never make excuses or blame yourself for what happened. What's done is already done. If, for example, some action has negative consequences, it is better to learn a lesson from this and not make similar mistakes in the future.

Learn to ask for help

Many people are afraid and do not dare to ask colleagues, friends or acquaintances for help. They think that their ignorance or inability to do something can cause ridicule and bullying. In fact, no one can know and be able to do everything in the world. There is absolutely no shame in asking for help.

Communicate more often with loved ones and people who love you

In case of failures or any troubles, do not keep everything to yourself. Communicate with your relatives more often, because they, more than anyone else, believe in you, approve of most of your actions and always support you.

If you feel blue, don’t withdraw into yourself, just call your parents, and they will find the right words to support you.

Get your things done

Be responsible in every endeavor. Bring everything to completion, even small things. Do not put them off “for later”, because... most likely they will remain unfulfilled.

Learn to love your body

Every person has both advantages and disadvantages. Learn to hide flaws and highlight strengths. For example, if it is necessary to increase the self-esteem and self-confidence of a woman with broad shoulders, it is enough to choose the right cut of clothes and others will not notice this flaw. At the same time, you need to draw the attention of others to your strengths, for example, beautiful legs. Don't focus on negative qualities, rather learn to love yourself for the huge number of advantages.

Exercise and live a healthy lifestyle

Everyone knows that in a healthy body there is a healthy mind. People who care about their health very rarely have low self-esteem. This is due at least to the fact that during sports the joy hormone is produced, you feel satisfied and at ease.

By leading an active lifestyle and eating right, you correct your figure, begin to like yourself, and this helps you love yourself and increase your self-esteem.

Watch your appearance

If a person does not take care of his hairstyle, manicure, condition of clothes, etc., then everyone, and he in particular, feels disgusted with the created image. The sight of a sloppy person is repulsive.

But if you go to the hairdresser, put on ironed clothes and use good perfume, then your shoulders will straighten on their own and you will feel a new confidence.

Get rid of bad habits

Insecure people often relieve stress with cigarettes and alcohol. Under the influence of alcohol, problems seem not so big, and life is easier. But when the morning comes, you realize that the difficulties have not disappeared and must be overcome.

Don't waste your time on smoking breaks and constant drinking. This is how you ruin your body and put off solving problems. When you give up at least one bad habit, you will definitely gain faith in yourself.

Communicate with optimists and successful people

The circle of people with whom we communicate leaves a big imprint on our psyche and habits. We adopt each other's habits, thereby trying to imitate someone.

If you are surrounded by people who are constantly dissatisfied with everything and have a pessimistic attitude, then sooner or later you will become depressed.

Avoid the company of whiners and try to communicate with cheerful people who will charge you with positivity, instill confidence in yourself and push you to achieve new goals.

Attend psychologists and trainings

If you are sure that you cannot cope with the problem of low self-esteem on your own, then you can seek the advice of a psychologist. A specialist will teach you to love yourself.

In parallel with this, you can attend several trainings aimed at increasing self-esteem. It will be at least interesting and at most useful.

Listen to affirmations

Remember the movie “The Most Charming and Attractive”. There, the main character, standing in front of the mirror, repeated words about how beautiful she is and how much men like her. Thus, she increased her self-esteem by constantly repeating affirmations.

An affirmation is a short text that people repeat or listen to to increase their self-esteem.

Try this too. For example, learn the phrase “I am a successful person. I will achieve all my goals” and repeat it constantly. You can also record it on digital media (flash drive, disk, etc.) and listen to it constantly.

After a while, you will forget what low self-esteem is.

Learn to get out of your “comfort zone”

People who lack self-confidence try to be invisible. It is very difficult for them to carry out new work, assignments, or simply meet unknown people.

If you plan to become a successful person and then start doing things that are unusual for you. Take on tasks that you previously avoided. For example, if you are planning a New Year's corporate party, and no one agrees to play the role of Santa Claus, propose your candidacy. This way, you will get rid of the fear of public speaking and get out of your “comfort zone”.

Read positive literature

Give preference to books with a good ending. After reading another fairy-tale novel, you will believe that sometimes this happens in life.

Find your dream job

Every person has a favorite activity. But more often, citizens of our country choose a profession not according to the call of their hearts, but according to the size of their salary. Therefore, the work performed does not bring the necessary satisfaction, and this can cause low self-esteem.

In order to increase a man’s self-confidence, it is necessary to change his profession, and if this is not possible, then you can try to pay maximum attention to some hobby. Doing what you love gives you faith, because it’s nice to do what you do well.

Learn to give yourself to others

If possible, be sure to help your friends, relatives and little-known people. If they ask for help, it means they believe that you can help. Perhaps their faith will boost your self-esteem.

Live by your wishes

Successful and confident people constantly want more and achieve it. Try it and you will constantly want something and do everything to achieve it. After your desires are achieved, you will realize that everything is working out for you and you can do anything you want.

Envy is not the best quality in a person. It forces us to compare ourselves with others. Never envy anyone, but be happy with what you have.

Don't impose yourself, don't be a hypocrite, and don't be false.

These three qualities prevent a person from having adequate self-esteem. If a colleague does not want to communicate closely with you, you should not impose yourself. Find a lot of benefits in this. Don't ingratiate yourself with people and make yourself inferior to someone else.

Throw away your laziness

When a person is lazy, he easily becomes depressed. Of course, we do not encourage you to work constantly. Just learn to distinguish laziness from rest.

If it’s hard for you to overcome idleness, then against your will, start doing the planned work, and the desire will come to you a little later.

Take action!

The longer you lie on the couch and dream about a bright future, the further it moves away from you. Start changing yourself and your worldview now. There is no need to wait for tomorrow, Monday or the beginning of a new month. Act now!

Techniques and techniques for increasing self-esteem

Psychologists advise using the following exercises for people with low self-esteem.

Make a list of your positive qualities

People with low self-esteem are not used to talking and thinking well about themselves. It is easier for them to find 100 flaws in themselves than several advantages. But every person has a lot of positive qualities.

In order to understand this, take a piece of paper and write down all your advantages. For example, you bake the most delicious pies, you can fix any household item, you have beautiful hair, long eyelashes, a thin waist, etc. During the day, add new advantages to the list, and then attach it to a visible place (for example, on the refrigerator) and review regularly.

Keep a “Success Diary”

This method is very similar to the previous one. Only now you will have to write down your successes and achievements every day in a designated notebook. For example, they gave alms to a needy person, helped a child solve a problem, prepared a very tasty dinner, helped his wife do her shopping, etc.

This method will help increase your level of self-esteem thanks to a visual list of achievements.

Amulet

People have a lot of fears. But everyone has to overcome them every day. If you can't do this, try finding an amulet for yourself. It can be any little thing (for example, a coin, a small toy, etc.). It is unlikely to have magical properties, but you must believe that the amulet will help you and protect you from troubles.

So, overcoming fear and self-doubt, you will achieve your goal, and any achievements have a beneficial effect on the human psyche.

Actor

Even if you don't feel happy, try to play the role of a cheerful and carefree person. Imagine that you are an actor who has been assigned an important role and you need to get into character. Very soon you will notice that you are no longer playing a role, but actually feel more successful and happy.

This method is aimed at overcoming fears. If you are a shy student and don't like speaking in public, ask for an assignment that involves speaking in public. Offer your candidacy as the main character in a theatrical production, or take on writing a report that you will successfully read at an open seminar.

By leaving your “comfort zone,” you get rid of fears, thereby gaining confidence in your own abilities.

Clown

If you feel inferior, are sure that you look bad and try not to attract much attention, then this method is just for you.

Dress very brightly and tastelessly, like a clown. Apply provocative makeup, put on pants and a skirt, attach curlers or a winter hat to your head in the summer and go to the store. Don't pay attention to the surprised looks of passers-by. This is how you leave your “comfort zone”.

Once you reincarnate into your everyday look, you will definitely become confident/confident and increase your self-esteem.

Conclusion

Low self-esteem is a person’s psychological state that requires adjustment. People without self-confidence are unhappy in 99% of cases. They are a gray mass that lives their lives thoughtlessly. Few people want to communicate with this category of people. This is why a person with low self-esteem is withdrawn and has practically no friends.

In order to correct the situation it is necessary:

• Believe in yourself;
• Learn to set goals and achieve them;
• Get out of your “comfort zone”;
• Communicate with successful and cheerful people;
• Develop mental and physical capabilities.

If you use all the tips and do all the exercises, you will definitely achieve great heights in life. And remember the expression that others treat us this way, this is how we treat ourselves.

The way a person treats himself “programs” him for further achievements. Self-perception plays a big role in everyone's life, so it should not be overlooked. Basic knowledge about this will not harm anyone, and, most likely, will even be beneficial. They will help highlight problematic issues and, if possible, correct them. The article talks about the concept of self-esteem, its formation, the possibility of change, the types and levels distinguished.

What is self-esteem

Self-esteem is the level of self-acceptance, the ability to critically analyze one's own capabilities. It is inextricably linked with self-love. A person with a bunch of complexes will not be able to experience this feeling until he gets rid of them. Self-esteem affects how easy it is for an individual to communicate with others, achieve goals, and develop. Those who have it too low experience serious difficulties in all areas.

The problem with low self-esteem is that its owners refuse to change. They are often sure that this attitude towards themselves will last for the rest of their lives. This is a misconception, because self-perception is influenced by many factors; it cannot be the same throughout life.

How self-esteem is formed

Its foundations are laid in childhood. After infancy, the child begins to understand the essence of comparisons, and self-esteem appears in his system of concepts. Parents should be careful with statements addressed to their son or daughter. Phrases like “Alina is a better student in all subjects” or “but Dima is already learning a second language by the time he is fourteen” do not motivate children. Rather, such expressions make them hate both Alina and Dima, and sometimes even their parents, who deal a blow to their self-esteem. A child/teenager should not think that he needs to earn the love of loved ones or try to outpace his peers in a contrived race. He needs, first of all, support and faith. On the contrary, praising also does not lead to the formation of an adequate assessment.

Adults who inspire a child to believe that he is the most talented, and that others are no match for him, are doing a disservice. Brought up on praise, even after puberty, incapable of self-criticism. This prevents them from developing and eradicating their own shortcomings. Some of those who at one time received an “overdose” of compliments and flattery become downtrodden and unsociable in adulthood. This pattern of behavior is the result of a combination of parental actions and harsh reality. Understanding that he is not unique in his own uniqueness leads a person to depression and other mental disorders.

In addition, a number of other factors influence self-esteem, including environment(classmates, classmates, work colleagues, relatives), financial situation, education. Many complexes come from school. Victims of bullying spend a long time coping with their fears and are susceptible to phobias for the rest of their lives. Comparing one’s own financial situation with the income of more successful people greatly affects self-esteem. But self-evaluation is not static; it changes throughout life, the level depends, among other things, on the efforts of its owner.

Types of self-esteem

There are three main types. Their names are used not only in psychology, but also in everyday life. You can often hear phrases like “he has inadequate self-esteem.” Classification helps to understand how individuals evaluate themselves, how close their opinion is to objectivity.

Adequate self-esteem- a type that, unfortunately, is characteristic of a minority of people. Its owners know how to treat their abilities sensibly and do not deny shortcomings, trying to get rid of them. In addition, the emphasis is on strengths that are actively developing. Few are capable of adequate self-criticism. Often one can observe two extremes - either too much self-flagellation, or inflated self-esteem.

Radical qualities are signs of the second type of self-esteem, which is usually called distorted(inadequate). Its formation is almost always the result of complexes, obvious or hidden. Often, behind high self-esteem lies insecurity and attempts to appear better in the eyes of others. The understated one is distinguished by the fact that its owner directly broadcasts his own complexes - he talks about them to others, behaves accordingly (stiffness, tightness, difficulties in communication).

There is another type that is common to the majority - mixed. It means that at certain moments in life a person treats himself differently. He is able to adequately evaluate actions/deeds, devote time to excessive self-criticism, and sometimes overestimate his own skills. Unfortunately, most people fail to maintain balance, and such “fluctuations” are fraught with mental problems.

Levels of self-esteem

There are three main levels, as well as types. They demonstrate a degree of self-love, an ability to see both positive and negative traits, and an affinity for balance. The levels are related to the species, but there are still differences, which will be discussed further.

Low

The first one, the least loved by everyone. They try to get rid of low self-esteem in every possible way. There are thousands of techniques that tell you how to deal with complexes, and some of them are effective. Level refers to distorted perception; it is characterized by an inability to praise oneself, underestimation of one's merits, a high level of anxiety, and constant comparisons with others who are more successful. It is easy to offend those who have problems with self-esteem - it is enough to simply joke about them or hint at a lack of appearance/knowledge. Low self-esteem creates a lot of inconvenience. It's really worth fighting.

Normal

One of the indicators that a person does not have serious mental health problems. He knows how to listen to his inner voice, analyzes his own mistakes, and is able to make jokes about himself. At the same time, such a person will not allow her to be insulted, forced to do useless, tedious work, or have her rights ignored. This level is worth striving for, because it is recognized as optimal.

High

The third level is inherent to those who focus on their strengths, overlooking their shortcomings. It is no less dangerous than low. This type of self-perception is not adequate. People with high self-esteem easily ignore constructive criticism. It is difficult for them to leave their comfort zone; they resist it with all their might. Rigidity of beliefs, rejection of others is a big problem. Its danger also lies in the difficulty of recognition. It is believed that someone who vehemently defends his position is strong, confident, and reliable. But there is also the other side of the coin: unshakable beliefs hinder development and prevent the opportunity to learn and try something new.

As a result- self-esteem directly depends on living conditions, upbringing and environment. However, unfavorable factors are not a reason to give up on yourself. With a strong desire, one’s attitude towards oneself can be successfully adjusted, and there are many examples of downtrodden, indecisive men and women turning into liberated, strong individuals. It all starts with awareness of problems, the desire to change for the better and, of course, effort.

Low self-esteem is a very serious problem for many girls, because it threatens them not only with disappointments in their personal lives, but also with failures in the professional field. What kind of self-esteem can be considered low and is there a way to increase it?

What is self-esteem

Normal self-esteem

So, if you have adequate self-esteem, then we can say that you are very lucky. People of this type are characterized by a realistic assessment of their capabilities. Such girls are not afraid to set serious goals for themselves, and have a clear idea of ​​how this goal can be achieved for them. There is also an opinion that only a truly mature person can have normal self-esteem - this is possible both at sixteen and at forty.

A high self-evaluation

Perhaps, people of this type are considered more unpleasant personalities for others than others. It is noteworthy that often they do not even realize that their self-esteem is truly inflated. However, some believe that only such people are capable of achieving great goals - with a certain amount of luck this is true. However, the main problem of arrogant people is that they quickly lose true friendships due to their own reluctance and inability to admit their mistakes. Also, such people greatly overestimate their importance in the world around them - at work, among friends, in family, and so on. They are rarely able to sincerely apologize, because they are often unaware that they may actually be doing wrong. As a rule, one makes friends and communicates with such people only because of possible benefits or out of hopelessness.

Low or low self-esteem (reasons and symptoms)

Life is hardest for girls who are prone to low self-esteem. Most often, the reason lies in improper upbringing on the part of parents or other problems during school years. What is characteristic of a person whose self-esteem is clearly low? As a rule, it is almost immediately apparent that a girl is unsure of herself. Most often, she is uncommunicative and rather reserved - she is very afraid to voice her opinion, even if she is asked about it. In addition, such a girl shows initiative only in the most extreme cases, preferring to act on someone else’s orders. She often thinks that she looks stupid or inappropriate, and if representatives of the opposite sex begin to show interest in her, she immediately begins to look for some kind of or a catch. Girls of this type prefer not to attract attention to themselves, and if they have to be in some company, then they will be calmer if they remain practically unnoticed.

Family relationships

Many people know that most complexes follow a person from childhood, and if parents do not notice or even provoke some kind of problem in the child’s self-esteem, then it will probably fully manifest itself in adulthood. If your parents did not give you enough attention and love, but at the same time found the opportunity to criticize and regularly make various demands, then probably now your self-esteem is somewhat low. Also, comparing your child with his friends, in favor of the latter, does not have the best effect. The child gets used to feeling worse than others, and this habit continues into adulthood.

Peer relationships

A very important factor that deserves close attention. If as a child you had any characteristics or talents that were treated with ridicule by your peers, then this is a very serious reason for concern. Due to the disapproving attitude of friends and classmates, it is difficult for a child to accept himself and this feeling of some “wrongness” accompanies him into adulthood. At the same time, it is important to emphasize that if family relationships are good and the child receives adequate upbringing, then the influence of peers will most likely not affect his future life. If you notice that your children are uncomfortable in the company of their peers, then this is a serious reason to change the environment of your kids, as well as carry out psychological work with them.

First love

Falling in love for the first time - in childhood or adolescence - can also have a big impact on self-esteem. In general, here we can mention relationships with the opposite sex, in general. If a girl was liked by boys, then this would probably have a positive effect on her own self-image. However, if the boys not only did not notice her, but also mocked her, this could negatively affect the formation of female self-esteem. In addition, it also matters what the girl’s first love was - mutual or not. If a crush develops into a romantic relationship, this is a good sign, but if the girl is rejected, this will probably affect her self-esteem.

Ways to increase self-esteem in a woman or girl

Accept and love yourself

If you suffer from low self-esteem, then the conclusion suggests itself - you urgently need to increase it. First of all, realize that no one is perfect, even if you think they are not. Don't dwell on your shortcomings, many of which you probably came up with yourself - these are just your characteristics. Instead, pay attention to your strengths. If you think that you don’t have any, then you are mistaken. Look for the virtues in yourself until you find them! It is also possible that you are one step away from some kind of advantage. Perhaps playing sports will give you an ideal figure, makeup lessons will teach you how to use cosmetics as effectively and successfully as possible, cutting and sewing courses will allow you to create winning outfits for yourself. Be that as it may, in your case it is very important to love yourself under any circumstances, even when it seems to you that you are not worthy of this love. Become your main support, and your life will begin to improve.

Stop comparing yourself to others

People with low self-esteem, when comparing themselves to others, usually do so not to their advantage. Realize that any comparison is an absolutely useless exercise that will not lead to anything good. Of course, it’s another matter if, by comparing yourself with someone, you gain an incentive to become better yourself. In the case when everything ends only in self-flagellation and bad mood, this habit must be abandoned. Everyone is different - everyone has their own advantages and disadvantages, even if it seems to you that there are exceptions. Don't compare yourself to anyone - just take care of yourself and improve yourself, without looking at anyone.

Down with self-criticism

Self-criticism can only be useful if it stimulates you to some new achievements. Unfortunately, girls who suffer from low self-esteem only make things worse by criticizing themselves. Mentally returning to your imperfections again and again, you only drive yourself into depression. Instead, find a reason to praise yourself. Also encourage any of your small victories - buy yourself some goodies, take care of yourself.

Be a little selfish

Many women with low self-esteem are very prone to sacrifice. Believing that they do not deserve love in themselves, such individuals try to “deserve” or “earn” love and attention. This may manifest itself in relationships with your husband or friends. You may be susceptible to this too. Examples of such behavior: you give expensive gifts to people, infringing on yourself; you spend time on their affairs, pushing your own concerns into the background; you regularly adapt to other people's plans, even if it is inconvenient for you, and so on. If you notice something like this in yourself, then it needs to be changed urgently. Learn to put your needs and desires first - at first it will be unusual for you, but then you will feel all the benefits of such tactics.

Believe in yourself and your success

Don't doubt yourself and don't belittle your worth. If you want to achieve something, then do not deprive yourself of this opportunity! If you don’t make an attempt, then everything will remain the same, but if your efforts are crowned with success, your life will sparkle with new colors - believe that this is exactly what will happen! To put yourself in the right frame of mind, periodically read biographies of successful people.

If you don’t like something about yourself or your life, then only you have the power to fix it! Self-development and self-improvement will never be superfluous. Take time to learn new things and take care of your health and appearance. Be attentive to your health, periodically sign up for useful cosmetic procedures, expand your horizons. You can start living a truly interesting life if you want to! Very few people have it easy, and if you think that someone is very lucky, but you are not, then most likely it is not a matter of luck at all, but of hard work on yourself. Think about what qualities you don't like about yourself, leave a plan by which you can fix it, and stick to it.

Forgive yourself for defeats, praise for victories

Many girls are very sensitive about their defeats. Such a development of events most often drives them into a depressed state and significantly undermines self-confidence. If this is your case, then it is useful for you to learn to ignore such mistakes, only to learn the necessary lessons from them. At the same time, you should develop a completely different attitude towards your victories. Remember your achievements, reward yourself for them by giving yourself small or large gifts.

More positivity and optimism

It is very important for a girl suffering from low self-esteem to learn to think positively. On the Internet you can find many techniques in this regard, but the essence is the same - no matter what happens, look for the positive aspects in it, even if it is quite difficult. Try not only not to talk about negative topics, but also not to think about them. Control yourself - after thinking about something bad, immediately switch to more pleasant thoughts. In any situation, initially set yourself up for success, and it will accompany you!

Fight your fears. If you feel uncomfortable in large companies and get lost in conversations with people you don’t know well, then this can be fixed. Public speaking courses and periodic visits to crowded places can help you. Try to meet your fear halfway, and then it will begin to recede. Acquire new knowledge. If you are not yet comfortable attending any courses or master classes, look for the necessary lessons on the Internet. So you can learn a foreign language, learn to sew, dance and much more. The more new skills you acquire, the higher your self-esteem will be. Do not communicate with people who lower your self-esteem. If there is even the slightest possibility of this, completely cut off contact with them. Such communication will only harm you, and under such circumstances it is very difficult to achieve a positive result. At the same time, try to be more often in the company of people around whom you feel confident and comfortable. Pay special attention to taking care of yourself and your appearance. People who are afraid of drawing attention to themselves are usually afraid that some shortcoming will become obvious to others. You don’t have to live with this feeling - find any way to correct in yourself what confuses you and limits you in communicating with other people. If you have enough time to engage in self-criticism and indulge in despondency, then it’s better to direct it completely a different direction - set big and small goals for yourself, make plans on how you can achieve them, and then start implementing your plans. And under no circumstances think that you won’t succeed. If you really want something, then it is achievable, even if not on the first try. The main thing is to start taking action, because usually the first step is the most difficult.